Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Baby Makin'

To me It's funny...I feel like you spend you younger years trying so hard to not get pregnant and you never for one second think that you will ever have to try so hard to become pregnant when you are ready..Scott and I have been trying to conceive for a little over 2 years now, we have had 2 miscarriages and about 100 negative pregnancy tests. A lot of tears and a lot of pain but at the same time a lot of hope and encouragement. I always say out loud I am not jealous of that adorable pregnant lady pushing her shopping cart..truth is I am, I cant help but see a pregnant woman and think why her..why not me? I cant wait to have that adorable little bump to dress up and rub and talk to.. I listen to friends stories of morning sickness and back pain and swollen feet and cant help but want all of that! I would take it all just to have a baby of our own. I see the teen mom's and hear the stories of the ladies at work who have a step daughter or friends daughter who gets pregnant at the age of 15 and think to myself its not fair..why can a child have a child, but I cant, why her and not me? what have we done or are we doing so horribly wrong that we cant make a healthy baby...We have taken time "off" of the process of tracking and testing to give ourselves a piece of mind and regain strength and I have a good feeling this time, I feel like it's going to work this time, I have been having dreams for over a month now about babies, and positive pregnancy tests with 2 bright pink lines, and more babies almost every night there is a baby or a test in my dream. I know it's because its on my mind so much but I hope this is our time, I know we are ready and deserving. My Fingers are crossed and prayers said every day...

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