Friday, October 17, 2014

An Empty Follow Up..Followed By A Gift

The follow up with my RE 
resulted in nothing. 
No information as to what went wrong on July 2nd. 
apparently the lab in Florida stated that 
the "product of conception" was 
not in fact my "product of conception" 
therefor resulting in no testing. 
No answers. 
Just more WTF's being tossed around. 
There has to be answer
there has to be some test that hasn't 
been done. There has to be a reason 
I can't stay pregnant. 
It's unbelievable to me sometimes 
to sit and think that we have 4 angel babies in heaven. 
FOUR! how is that even possible. 
Why is that even possible?!?!

There is something else I need to clear up
for my own piece of mind. 
Something I need to write out and hope that it makes sense. 
I'm a recurrent miscarrier. 
I'm labeled infertile. 
I'm strong and a fighter. 
I'm Human..I get sad and jealous.  
 I am also happy. 
I am happy for those that 
are deserving of pregnancy, and motherhood.
I am angry and jealous of those who are not. 
The ones who treat their pregnancy as a burden.

I guess what I am trying to say is
I am happy and over joyed
for the ones that I love who are expecting.

For the ones that I know
that are undeserving of their current state...
I want to run over you with my new hummer! :)


Anywayss....

I went to my OBGYN on Monday
Dr. D
and I was reminded again why I love him!
I was actually there for my "yearly" and
to pick up a script of provera since I am currently on
CD 66!
we talked for a while about
what went wrong with my last pregnancy.
He told me that Dr. B screwed up
when it came to my progesterone...
he should have noticed the drop from
27 to 21 and been overly concerned.
But he wasn't...His staff kept saying,
Oh as long as it's over 21 you are fine...
Dr. D said F that Bull...
"I would have tripled your dose!"
He also stated that he wanted an Auto Immune test
ran on me asap. I honestly don't think Dr. B
ever did that! Or ever even thought about it.
As Dr. D was about to do
my pap. he interrupted me mid sentence and said...
  "Look at this! I see the Owls eye!"
"You my dear.. are ovulating!"
"You see this?!"
As he holds two tools above me
stretching egg white cervical mucus
as far as he could!
"4 or more inches my dear means you
definitely have an egg ready and waiting!"
I was shocked and silent in disbelief
"How?! Seriously!? I'm like 2 months late for my period?!"
Why?! How?!"
His reply covered me in chills...
"Sometimes we get a gift
& today you've received a special gift" 
He wrapped up the exam and gave me instructions
to go home and get to work..
Today I am 4 days past ovulation
ovulation that occurred on it's own.
I hope and pray that maybe this gift
will be the one that brings us home our baby.

So here's to being in the midst of
2ww!
Hey Infertility... Thanks for making me a fighter! :)