Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I'm Okay...We're Okay...It's All going to be Okay!

Thank You So Very Much
for all of your comments yesterday, 
each and everyone made me smile a little more
just to know that so many care, and are praying and sending love. 
It warms my heart. 
To answer some of your questions, no we did not 
have to have repeat labs, as my period started fully yesterday 
and came along with some of the most intense cramping I have ever had. 
At one point in the day, I was ready to go to the ER. But after some 
pain medication and a heating pad with rest, I was feeling better.
As for having a recurrent loss panel done, yes we have
and everything came back normal, so I guess that 
puts us in the unexplained category. 
It's weird, a Chemical Pregnancy that is. 
It happens so fast. 
Fast enough that you really don't have time to process
what is actually happening. 
I remember getting the call with the results 
and my stomach sank when I saw that number on my cell, 
but not like the other times. Not a sinking bad feeling, 
a sinking feeling that said she is not going to say it's negative. 
When I answered I could tell instantly by the tone in her voice
that it was good and bad news. 
She said I got your labs back and it was positive
"was" being the key word in my mind during that second. 
but...the levels are extremely low and your progesterone is at a 
1. yes a ONE. 
She said, that she was really surprised that I even 
got a positive on a test and also that I wasn't already bleeding. 
She said then that if I didn't begin to bleed before Wednesday
we could repeat the labs just to be sure. 
I remember hanging up the phone and just sitting there
staring at my computer screen, my mind blank 
I couldn't believe what I had just heard. 
Was it true? was it right? was she sure that it would end bad?
It took about 5 minutes before I could 
think clearly enough to call my mom. 
(I hadn't told Scott yet, that I had even gotten the positive on the test
because I wanted to get the blood work done and then surprise him) 
When he came home that night I was in the kitchen cooking 
dinner, he came up and hugged me and said 
Are you pregnant? I said what would make you say that?
he said I donno I just had a feeling?
So ya then I had to explain what all happened
and that this would not end well.
He was really upset, A lot more upset than I expected. 
It made me feel awful, but after a while 
we both started talking out our feelings 
and came to peace with it. It just happened so fast
there was no time to be excited. 
So with that all being said, 
I took yesterday off work and had a little time 
to myself to reflect and collect my thoughts. 
I also went and got my hair done,
because that's what you do when your upset... 
dye your hair. okay well that's what I do! lol.. 
Today I woke up feeling much much better
and told myself one of my favorite sayings.. 
"You are strong enough to carry the weight 
that has been placed upon your shoulders!"

and here is a picture of my new hair because 
I know your all dying to see it :) 

Dramatic I know. 
I just needed a major change. 

♥ You all! Thank You So Much For All Your Support! 


  1. I'm glad to hear you're ok! You are always so positive even when things aren't working out the way they should. At the very least, I'm excited that you were able to get pregnant on your own! Imagine what next month will bring!!! You're always on my mind and buh-lieve me that my fingers are crossed for you HARD that next cycle is IT!

  2. You're an amazing woman! And your hair looks fantastic! I'm so glad you took a day for yourself. Lots more hugs for you!

  3. Just getting caught up on blogs... I am so very sorry that this happened!! I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for both of you. I wish I had something more inspiring to say...this just plain sucks!!! Thinking about you. You will pick yourself up and you will be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow but soon. Hugs!

  4. you ARE strong and amazing as previous people have said! ((HUGS)) and i <3 the new hair!!

  5. Your hair looks great! Kind if caramel color :)

    Your husband sounds so sweet. How weird he guessed that.

  6. The new hair suits you. Good choice!

  7. You look so cute! I'm glad to see you smiling. You're seriously such a strong, brave soul. Sending all my love~~

  8. Love your new hair! You can pull of any color! Looks so pretty on you! You've been in my thoughts today...
    You always leave me feeling uplifted! Sending so much love xoxox

  9. You are such a strong woman. I'm praying for this upcoming cycle for you! I love love love the new hair!!! That color is perfect on you!

  10. Hey lady, I just needed you to know that I'm still reading and still following along and my heart sank when I read this post. I'm so sorry you're still going through all this. Wishing you so much luck in this baby journey in 2013!

  11. ((hugs)) I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you took some time to do something to lift your spirits, your new hair color looks beautiful. Keep taking care of yourself.

  12. You are beautiful Alexis! I have never met such a positive influence- sending love your way!

  13. Hi Alexis..... err should I say blog title twink?! LOVE the new hair and so sorry for the most recent loss. Actually, sorry for them all. I can't imagine what you're feeling so I'm sending you some virtual hugs! Love the hair color change though! I just went the total opposite of you! Light brown with blond highlights to DARK brown! :)

  14. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, Alexis ... what an awful mindfuckery. I love your positive attitude and I wish you only positive things for the future!

  15. You are such a strong lady, I admire you very much. Again. . . Sending as much love as I can possibly send your way ((hugs))