I'm Okay...We're Okay...It's All going to be Okay!

Thank You So Very Much

for all of your comments yesterday, 

each and everyone made me smile a little more

just to know that so many care, and are praying and sending love. 

It warms my heart. 

To answer some of your questions, no we did not 

have to have repeat labs, as my period started fully yesterday 

and came along with some of the most intense cramping I have ever had. 

At one point in the day, I was ready to go to the ER. But after some 

pain medication and a heating pad with rest, I was feeling better.

As for having a recurrent loss panel done, yes we have

and everything came back normal, so I guess that 

puts us in the unexplained category. 

It's weird, a Chemical Pregnancy that is. 

It happens so fast. 

Fast enough that you really don't have time to process

what is actually happening. 

I remember getting the call with the results 

and my stomach sank when I saw that number on my cell, 

but not like the other times. Not a sinking bad feeling, 

a sinking feeling that said she is not going to say it's negative. 

When I answered I could tell instantly by the tone in her voice

that it was good and bad news. 

She said I got your labs back and it was positive

"was" being the key word in my mind during that second. 

but...the levels are extremely low and your progesterone is at a 

1. yes a ONE. 

She said, that she was really surprised that I even 

got a positive on a test and also that I wasn't already bleeding. 

She said then that if I didn't begin to bleed before Wednesday

we could repeat the labs just to be sure. 

I remember hanging up the phone and just sitting there

staring at my computer screen, my mind blank 

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. 

Was it true? was it right? was she sure that it would end bad?

It took about 5 minutes before I could 

think clearly enough to call my mom. 

(I hadn't told Scott yet, that I had even gotten the positive on the test

because I wanted to get the blood work done and then surprise him) 

When he came home that night I was in the kitchen cooking 

dinner, he came up and hugged me and said 

Are you pregnant? I said what would make you say that?

he said I donno I just had a feeling?

weird. 

So ya then I had to explain what all happened

and that this would not end well.

He was really upset, A lot more upset than I expected. 

It made me feel awful, but after a while 

we both started talking out our feelings 

and came to peace with it. It just happened so fast

there was no time to be excited. 

So with that all being said, 

I took yesterday off work and had a little time 

to myself to reflect and collect my thoughts. 

I also went and got my hair done,

because that's what you do when your upset... 

dye your hair. okay well that's what I do! lol.. 

Today I woke up feeling much much better

and told myself one of my favorite sayings.. 

"You are strong enough to carry the weight 

that has been placed upon your shoulders!"

and here is a picture of my new hair because 

I know your all dying to see it :) 

Dramatic I know. 

I just needed a major change. 

♥ You all! Thank You So Much For All Your Support!