Wednesday, April 4, 2012

One foot in front of the other...

I just keep reminding myself to put on foot in front of the other, 
to keep moving forward & to not let myself drown in sorrow. 

Before I begin I just want to say 
Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all of your 
loving comments, left on my post about our third angel. 
Each comment I received took a little bit of the pain away. 
The support is amazing and I thank you all for being their for us! 

Each day I wake up, I have to remind myself this is not just a bad 
dream, it is reality, a hard truth that we never wanted to face. 
I could go on for hours about how unfair it is 
and about how mad I am at god, how unsure I am if god really does exist. 
and questioning what I could have done to prevent this awful mess. 
But the facts are, 
life is not fair. God does exist and he has a plan even if I hate it and don't understand it
there is a reason. & their is nothing I or anyone could have done to have 
prevented this from happening. 

I am not sure where we will go from here, 
Part of me thinks, go for it, try again as soon as you can, don't let anyone down. 
and the other part of me says, you cant do this again... 
the pain is unbearable and I can't fathom going through another loss. 
another pregnancy where all I do is worry. 
I will never have a worry free pregnancy,
 they will always be filled with the fear of loss. 

For now we are trying our best to cope with what life has handed to us, 
and keep ourselves moving forward. 

Thank You again for all of your kind words, they really do help! 
 

Piece of my Heart
How was it to be that I now am robbed of such joy?
Of watching you grow or finding out if you’re a girl or boy.
Never did I get to hear your cries or even see your tears,
Or kiss your little brow and hug away your fears.

I am just left here now with pain and few memories,

Of the days that were happy with you inside of me.
For you were loved and wanted oh so much,
What I would give just to have felt your touch.

The hours crawl by yet the time does not seem to slow,

I want to scream out to the world you are gone, why don’t they know?
How is the world still turning when I feel it should have stopped?
Why are people laughing and living when it feels like I can not?

Not enough tears can be shed to express the love we have for you,

No words can describe what we all wanted to be able to do.
I would have just held you and breathed in your sweet smell,
Shouted with joy and phoned all the people we wanted to tell.

But this time we called loved ones with the sad sad news,

That too little were you to live among us and we were meant to lose.
But nothing will ever erase those twelve weeks we had together,
For a piece of my heart you now hold always and forever.
~Kerri-Anne Hinds

7 comments:

  1. Like you already posted, no words or reasons makes what has happened easier. Know you both are loved so much and supported by many in any way you need - just remember to ask! Love you :)

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  2. I really admire your strength and courage, girl. I know there are no words to take away your pain but I hope you find healing somehow. <3

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  3. I know this is a really sh*tty time and there's nothing to shake this off :( Thank you THANK YOU for sharing your story, your honesty. Other ladies are going through the same thing and your posts are so helpful!

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  4. I so admire your strength...I can't even imagine what you are feeling right now, but I wish I could say or do something to help. You are constantly n my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love. Xoxoxo

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  5. alexis, i've been thinking about you so much. in fact, earlier while i was cleaning i hoped that you were doing as well as possible, and said a big prayer for you, scott, your baby and family.
    i am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. and admire your honesty...it's inspiring.
    i wish i could give you a huge hug...though i know it wouldn't do much...i feel for you and i think you are amazingly strong and you are going to get through this. cling to all the love surrounding you.
    you won't be far from my thoughts, pretty lady! <3
    xoxox
    maria

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  6. so sorry for your loss, thoughts are with you

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