The Beginning to the End...

If you follow me on FB or IG 

you've already got the gist of whats been going on. 

If not here's the story, it doesn't have a happy ending

so if you're not in a good place skip this post. 

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From Beginning to End. 

Thursday June 5th I hopped in the shower

before bed for some reason I decided to take a hpt. 

I had no clue where I was in my cycle. 

We had done an un-monitored round of 150mg of clomid

in may. I got sick the day of my last dose so I figured I was 

out for the month. I began antibiotics and went on my way. 

We were basically trying a last resort while waiting to start IVF.

When I got out of the shower I glanced at the test 

and put it back on the counter, I picked it back up instantly 

and held it in the light. 

There was a line. a VERY VERY VERY faint line. 

But it was there. I could see it. 

I called for Scott and he could also see it. 

The next morning I took another dollar store test 

and again another faint line.

After years of analyzing tests I decided 

I didn't want to play that game and I would just 

go in for blood work. 

On my way back from the lab I stopped and bought 

3 FRER tests and went straight home to pee on them.

I took one and that was all I needed. 

The faint line was there. barely there. but there. 

Here is where it gets a little confusing. 

I was seeing my OB and my RE at the same time... 

ya I know I'm a cheater. but whatever. 

my OB is the one who prescribed the clomid. 

my RE had no idea :-/ oops. 

after I got the faint line on the FRER I started to panic 

a little knowing that I needed to call my RE 

and get started on progesterone and heprin injections right away. 

They were super nice and agreed to call everything in 

before I even had labs drawn for their office. 

Friday afternoon my OB called 

and said um have you started your period?

que instant panic...

He said that my HCG was a 5 yep FIVE and that

 I was either super early or about to start my period.!

My re had called in labs for Saturday 

Morning. When I arrived at the lab

They were closed. I was scheduled

To go in and take another heprin class

Monday afternoon at 1pm 

So around 8am I ran and got bloodwork

When I arrived to my apt they 

Already had the results my 

Hcg was a 43! 

Progesterone was 25 or something 

I honestly had so many labs 

I don't remember!

At this point my OB was guessing

That I conceived around June 3rd

Because I did an un monitored cycle

We were unsure when I ovulated. 

On June 26th the day before we left for Florida I had an ultrasound

My last labs showed my hcg at 

3925 and the doctors were happy

The ultrasound showed a perfect

Sac and a faint flicker

I measured 5 weeks 3 days

With a due date of

2/23/15

Our trip down to Florida went great

We stopped every two hours

So I could stretch and pee!

On Tuesday morning

I noticed that my boobs weren't as sore

I tried not to freak out but in the 

Back of my mind I was scared

Disappearing symptoms is never good.

By Tuesday evening 

I was feeling very off

I went to the bathroom and noticed

A pea size dot of brown

I kept my cool knowing that 

Brown with no cramping was "ok"

Wednesday things started to slowly 

Go down hill. My boobs were no longer sore at all. My spotting had increased

Turning from brown to pink. 

Thursday the cramps kicked in.

I knew it was over. 

I stayed hopeful for my husband 

And family but in my heart I knew. 

Friday the pink turned red

And I was having constant period cramping. I really did not want to go to 

The ER on the 4th of July and

Decided I would go in the morning.

When I woke up Saturday 

The spotting had pretty much turned to bleeding and the cramps were intense. 

Scott and I arrived at a Florida hospital 

Around 11am, we had the best staff

You could ask for! The pelvic showed

That my cervix was closed but the

Ultrasound showed an empty sac.

I only saw the screen for a second but

The image of that empty black hole

Is burned in my memory.

My stomach was in knots 

Knowing that it was truely over. 

The baby that we had prayed for

The baby that came to us right before

We spent our life savings on IVF

Was gone. Just like that. 

I was sent home with some pain

Medication for the cramping and was told to rest.

When we returned to the hotel 

Scott and I changed and went straight 

To the ocean we floated side by side in silence. 

It was peaceful and at that moment all we wanted was peace.

About 2 hours later I was beginning

To cramp very badly. I couldn't lay or sit. 

I took 2 hot showers on all fours. 

It sadly was the only comfortable position I could find.

 Around 6pm I couldn't take it anymore. The cramps had turned to 

contractions coming every two minutes and lasting about 35-40 seconds. 

My mom and Scott took me back to the ER 

and things quickly turned from bad to worse.

Everything at this point got little fuzzy.

I can't find a word to describe the pain. 

It was the most excruciating pain 

I've ever felt in my life. I couldn't control myself I was screaming, crying and hyperventilating. 

I kneeled backwards 

In the chair when they had to ask all the dumb entry questions 

my blood pressure was extremely low and they worked fast

to get me back into a room. 

I made it to a bed just in time for shift 

Change so the nurse was far from nice 

At this point my body was contracting ever 30 seconds for 2 minutes at a time! 

I felt like I was dying. I was screaming for help 

I just wanted it to stop I remember yelling out that something was wrong 

Something was stuck and I needed help

20 minutes later she finally came in 

With pain meds although sadly they did nothing for me.

 She left and my new 

Nurse arrived his name was Kevin and he was wonderful.

 He rushed to find the dr so he could give me another dose.

 I was now stuck in a constant contraction. 

The tightness felt as it it would rip my 

Insides apart. The second dose was much larger and I felt it right away. 

It dulled the pain but never took it

Completely away. Since I had calmed

Down enough to lay still they decided to do the ultrasound while they could.

The tech was much nicer than the one 

Earlier in the day! The dr feared 

That maybe I had a second embryo in one of my tubes 

so the ultrasound lasted about 30 minutes. 

It was awful, I was drugged and loopy and gushing blood. 

Soon after she was finished the dr came in and said he wanted to do a pelvic 

because he just didn't see anything on the ultrasound 

that was causing me so much pain. 

Two seconds into the exam he asks the nurse for all kinds of tools

I hear him say something's stuck

But I'm drugged and exhausted.

A few minutes later it was over. 

He had removed the embryo and it's surroundings from my cervix. 

It was about the size of a deflated golf ball. 

He later explained that the embryo being stuck in my cervix

 had caused my uterus to Constantly contract 

which explained the crazy amount of pain I was in! 

They gave me one more dose of pain meds and started me on antibiotics.

5 hours later I was back at the hotel

In bed. I was numb. I had no feelings but exhaustion. 

We delayed our leave time 

The next day and decided to make the trip in two days instead of one. 

We arrived home Monday evening. 

Tuesday morning I was scheduled to have an ultrasound at my REs office

But when I woke up I felt very weird and I couldn't breath, 

I couldn't take a deep breath I couldn't catch my breath and I started to panic.

All I could think was that I had a blood clot in my lung. 

My dad rushed over to my house and waited for my mom who then rushed me to the ER. 

I was able to breath better when I got to the ER 

but still wanted to be checked out just in case.

I had an EKG a catscan an xray a pelvic exam 

and a whole panel of bloodwork done.

Everything came back clear. The doctor seemed to think it may have been

a reaction to the pain medication and suggested I switch to motrion. 

Best advice ever. I hated the 

Way the pain meds made me feel. I just wanted to be me again without the pain. 

It's now Sunday night 8 whole days

Later and the bleeding has finally stopped. 

I have a follow up ultrasound tomorrow and hopefully will get some answers 

as to what went wrong. 

Thank you again go everyone that commented and text me after my

Instagram & Facebook post.

Once again I'm not sure 

Where we will go from here. 

But I do know we are fighters & this battle is far from over.