Even My Cat...

Warning. This post may be sad and graphic. 

A week ago Scrap our adorable kitty 

was having a very off morning. 

She is usually right by my side the moment 

she hears my feet hit the floor. 

But that morning she didn't come.. 

I called for her a few times before she finally came

waddling up the stairs into the kitchen. 

She was moving very slow and looked very tired. 

I started breakfast and went about my morning routine

when I noticed that she was bleeding. 

I tried to remain calm and figure out where she was bleeding from. 

I had a slight suspicion a few days prior that she may be pregnant.

When I realized where the blood was coming from I started to panic. 

I ran back to the bathroom and yelled to Scott 

that I thought Scrap was having a miscarriage. 

I didn't really believe what I was saying 

but my gut just knew. 

I ran back out to find her moving all over the kitchen 

trying to get comfortable. 

I ran to the garage to get her "house" 

that we put outside for her on days she just 

doesn't want to come home at the exact moment we call for her. 

By the time I was headed back up the stairs she was sitting at the top

starring at me as if she was saying back off!

I took a step toward her and she let out the loudest 

most awful cry and ran back to the kitchen. 

She had her first baby right infront of the fridge. 

instead of doing what cats are supposed to do 

she took off running for the basement. 

Thank god I had stumbled upon Kitten birth youtube videos 

a few weeks prior...Dont ask I dont know how I ended up there

but it was like a train wreck.. and thank god I watched. 

When cats don't do what they are supposed to you have to do it for them.

This is when bad turned to worse. 

I carefully ripped the tiny sac open so the kitten could breath

I cleaned it off and put a towel under it to keep it warm 

while I ran to find Scrap. She was supposed to remove the placenta 

and I was determined to make her at least try. 

When I got her back upstairs she had no interest in the kitten 

who was very very premature. 

Being that it was the first of any animal I've ever seen 

give birth I hadn't quite grasped the concept that it was way to early for this 

tiny kitten to survive.  

I ended up cutting the sac off myself and cleaning the kitten with warm towels

I moved scrap into the bathroom because she was still bleeding 

and I had a feeling there were more kittens coming. 

(Scott was right there with me the whole time coaching me along) 

A few minutes after I moved into the bathroom 

with Scrap and the first Kitten who had sadly stopped breathing

she had another one on the way out. 

This one she was instantly cleaning and doing what she 

was meant to do. So I left the room and let her do what she needed 

to do hoping that this one would survive. 

When I came back in a few minutes later the kitten lay lifeless next to her 

Scrap was still bleeding and pacing in circles 

about a half hour later she delivered her third kitten 

which just like the first two only lived for a few minutes. 

I tried keeping them all warm even rubbing them 

and swaying them like the web told me too. 

But nothing worked. 

I couldnt help but sob for my poor Scrap cat. 

I know the pain far too well of losing a baby. 

She was very close to me for the next hour I just held 

her and pet her softly telling her it wasn't her fault. 

I know it may sound silly and that she is just a cat.

But she knew & I could sense her sadness. 

Scott arrived home for lunch a short while later 

and helped me clean up, then dug a hole in the yard 

while I wrapped the tiny kittens up. 

We buried them in the back yard and said a little prayer. 

The rest of the day I must have told 6 people 

how ironic it is that my cat cant even have a normal pregnancy. 

It seems like I am always the one 

delivering the babies and never the one having the babies. 

I wonder why god decided to make me the deliverer of 

all the babies around me, yet keeps me from baring any of my own?

If your wondering why Scrap wasn't fixed it was because we found 

her as a tiny kitten herself, she had her first heat in January 

and we planned to take her after that. 

But I was having a very hard time 

making the decision to take her fertility away from her. 

I feel like someone has taken mine away from me 

and it's the worst feeling in the world. 

Why not let her have at least one litter before taking hers 

away from her.. 

She is doing fine now, She is much closer to me

she cuddles more often and walks a little softer. 

I think in time she will be back to her playful self 

but she needs time to heal. 

Just like anyone who suffers a loss. 

Human or Animal.