Groundhog Day: Infertility

Sometimes this journey seems like a blur. 

Sometimes if feels like years sometimes only months. 

I don't know why I am lacking my 

"Go gett'em" attitude right now?!?

I just feel so laid back. 

Maybe it is fear holding me back. 

Maybe the thought of ultrasounds, follicle scans, 

blood work and self injections are simply not appealing to me right now. 

Please don't get me wrong, I want to build our family more now than ever. 

I simply don't have the drive to get back in the car 

and continue driving to a destination when I always seem to wreck. 

I talked to Dr. D this morning. 

He is nice, and I still have faith in him. 

But I had to laugh out loud when he said 

"Hello Alexis, one of the nurses said we had a missed period 

and I have the results of your lab work" "Your HCG is negative."

Once I finished laughing I said as calmly as I could.. 

I did not miss a period. I had the labs drawn that you requested, 

you know the ones that show you my hormone levels 

my LH and FSH ect.. 

I think he felt stupid, as the response I got was 10 seconds of silence. 

"Oh, yes! I apologize"

"Your hormone levels look great, your cbc was excellent. 

and your estradiol was fantastic! 

"Now refresh my memory, are you taking metformin?"

-----------------------

SERIOUSLY?!?

Yes yes I am. 

Shall I go ahead and give you my whole history 

yet again?

He was trying to end the conversation when I said, 

um we were going to talk about trying clomid or femara again

"Oh yes!" he replied. "Lets do clomid 50mg days 5-7" 

"I'll call it in today!" 

---------------------------

Does anyone get where I am going with the title to this post?!

Not only am I going to try the lowest dose of clomid... 

I will not be monitored..

{I heard that gasp...}

 You know what though, I am surprisingly okay with it all. 

the "lazyness" of it all. 

I think it's what I need right now 

It's like sticking my stubbed toe back in the salt water. 

and what will be will be. 

If it doesn't work. We'll move on.