tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58524277347223674732024-03-27T16:53:55.511-07:00.Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.comBlogger339125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-19206246415445458902020-12-18T18:44:00.000-08:002020-12-18T18:44:32.920-08:00We are Adopting Again!<p> I am so happy to be back in this space! I took to Instagram after Sawyer was born and abandoned my blog, I am bringing it back to life as we prepare to become a family of four. I was so vulnerable and raw when we went through Sawyers adoption. We had just decided two months prior that we were going to just be done with everything. We felt like we had exhausted all of our options and most of our funds. I didn't know what to expect. The whole process with the lawyers and the paperwork felt so invasive and cold. I spent a lot of time angry at the process, this time I want to be a voice for others going though it. I want to help prepare someone like me who needed to hear real life stories on how it all works and what all is involved and why it's ok to feel the way you feel about the process but how to embrace it and love it and see that in the end it is all so so very worth it. </p><p><i>Going forward in my posts I will refer to Sawyer's birth parents as K, B and C to respect their identity. We have an open adoption and a very close relationship with them, they are family to us now and forever. They are truly angels sent from above. With out them we wouldn't be who we are today. </i></p><p> </p><p>• In September Sawyer turned three we had a small birthday party for him at the house and later that night I got a text from K and it was a picture of a positive test! </p><p>Rewind to summer! We spend a lot of time with Sawyer's birth parents and bio sister and one casual Sunday they asked us if we would ever want a second baby...I mean of course, yes! I remember yelling out as I looked over at Scott remembering I should probably ask his opinion too hahah! It didn't take long for us to discuss it and agree if they were willing to carry another child for us we were one hundred percent doing this! </p><p>In August K had an early miscarriage, It was a whirlwind of a week and I felt like before we could feel any excitement it was over. I told her we didn't have to do this, it was too much on her and I didn't ever want her to have to go through that heartache and pain again. She insisted she was going to be ok and they would try again soon. </p><p>Flash forward a few weeks to Sawyers party everyone but my HS Bff had left and were were sitting on the couch laughing at what a wreck the house was when my phone buzzed. As soon as I saw her name I knew! I opened the message and all I can remember is my eyes filling up with tears. My head began to spin, do I tell Scott now or wait till tomorrow (he had crashed as soon as the last kid left) do I tell my mom or wait?! is it a boy or girl? when is the due date? will it look like Sawyer and C? can I handle two? so many questions in the span of about 10 seconds. </p><p>The weeks flew by and drug on at the same time as we had decided to wait to tell our parents until Halloween a whole 8 weeks away from when we found out. My mom and I talk like 294720 times a day so keeping it from her was damn near impossible. Not to mention she has some serious esp shit going on and every time I would sneak to pick up K for an apt or an ultrasound my mom would text me, "where are you? what are you doing?" </p><p>We pulled it off though we waited until Halloween, Scott carved a stork into a pumpkin and I decorated the table with a few ultrasound pics. My parents arrived first, they were totally surprised and so so excited! Scotts parents arrived shortly after and had the same reaction. Everyone is so excited and we cant wait to meet this little babe. </p><p><br /></p>Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-71490921729763442132018-08-15T20:56:00.000-07:002018-08-15T20:58:39.863-07:00We’re parents!!! I just happened to be laying in bed tonight watching our son sleep on the monitor when it dawned on me that I hadn’t visited this space is quite some time. I feel like a jerk for leaving this blog hanging! This space was my therapy for years while we struggled to become parents and then I just abandoned it. The last two years is more than I can fit in one blog post at midnight. But for now I will tell you that we adoapted the most beautiful baby boy last September. He is everything we hoped and prayed for. It’s crazy to think that in less than a month he will be a year old! I’m excited to start blogging again. Our lives are so entertaining these days and I always feel like it needs to be documented! I’ll be back soon with details and pictures ❤️Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-91059946546296266502016-09-21T10:51:00.004-07:002016-09-21T10:55:31.377-07:00*OLD DRAFT* No One Said....IVF Egg Retrieval <div style="text-align: center;">
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*PLEASE NOTE THIS IS AN OLD POST DRAFT!*<br />
But I find myself hilarious so I'm sharing it.<br />
I'm glad I still found humor through the god awful pain!</div>
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• If your a side or stomach sleeper forget it, </div>
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Propped up at a 45 degree angle is as</div>
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Good as it's going to get! </div>
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I recommend melatonin </div>
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But I'm not your doctor so </div>
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You should ask him! </div>
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And if he says no then</div>
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I recommend a glass or two </div>
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Of aged burbon. </div>
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He might also frown upon That </div>
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But the way I look at it is </div>
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In 1913 whiskey was your </div>
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Best friend when you were in pain</div>
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And desperately needed sleep. </div>
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Again consult your physion. </div>
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• shooting pains </div>
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Straight up your vagina to your ears </div>
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Seriously it will stop you in your tracks</div>
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Breath. </div>
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Just remember to breath. </div>
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• borrow your cousins friends</div>
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Sisters c section wrap</div>
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For real find someone that has one</div>
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And get your hands on that piece of gold. </div>
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Game changer when it comes to sleeping. </div>
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• "pain meds" </div>
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Most likely your RE </div>
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Will not prescribe narcotics </div>
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They recommend childish drugs</div>
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Like Tylenol 3 </div>
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😑 </div>
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Seriously though is Tylenol 3 </div>
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Really still a thing?! </div>
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It's 2015 people we need REAL drugs</div>
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Or burbon...burbon always works. </div>
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Anyways I would recommend </div>
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Calling a family meeting before </div>
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Your retrieval and have everyone </div>
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Bring their left over Vicodin. </div>
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You know you have that one aunt... </div>
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Ya her, you know she's saving that shit</div>
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For the apocalypse or a rainy Sunday</div>
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Whichever it doesn't matter</div>
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Just get the drugs. </div>
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You'll thank me later. </div>
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With that being said.</div>
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We will move on to bathroom breaks</div>
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Using the bathroom will</div>
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Quickly become your worst nightmare.</div>
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Ok listen close. </div>
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That Vicodin that you scored</div>
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From aunt Glenna </div>
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It's going to back you up</div>
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On top of being backed up. </div>
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But pick your poison no pain or no poop? </div>
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In the event of a clogged pipe </div>
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Don't be afraid to ask</div>
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Your husband to stop at the drug</div>
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Store for an enema.</div>
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Really it's the least he can do </div>
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You've just been stabbed in the</div>
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Ovaries 183820 times </div>
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While he enjoyed himself a nice </div>
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Porn and a little hand hug.</div>
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Make him get the enema. </div>
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Day 5 </div>
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Your nerves are shot. </div>
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Your absolutely stir crazy. </div>
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You walk like an old lady</div>
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You can't poop </div>
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Everything you eat will </div>
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Inflat you like a ballon</div>
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Everyone's voice will annoy you </div>
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Everyone's questions will irritate you </div>
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I'm pretty sure I've never wished so</div>
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Hard to feel well enough to go to work. </div>
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Burbon. </div>
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Or Vicodin whatever works. </div>
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If you know what's best for you </div>
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Sleep through day 5! </div>
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Day 6...<br />
wait did day 6 happen?<br />
must have been the bourbon..<br />
I'm pretty sure day 6 was spent in a drunken haze<br />
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Day 7 </div>
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The pipes unclogged </div>
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The pain has faded </div>
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Your head might be a little blurry </div>
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From all of the burbon but you'll be okay! </div>
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You're a brand new woman</div>
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Or at least you'll think you are</div>
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Until about 8pm </div>
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When you realize </div>
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Moving around furniture </div>
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And cleaning carpets</div>
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Might not have been the best idea </div>
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After a full day at work. </div>
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Take it easy even if you feel like </div>
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Superwoman! Strap on that c section wrap </div>
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And sit your ass on the couch!<br />
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Day 8<br />
Just when you think your back to normal<br />
AF cramps kick in!<br />
Yep.. that's right you get to have<br />
another period before your FET<br />
fabulous!! That's just what I wanted!!<br />
Thank you aunt flow!<br />
-_-<br />
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hahah!! I just found this draft in my list of posts! It was too good not to share!<br />
this is from the egg retrieval last September!<br />
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-45126111493861996582016-09-21T10:18:00.001-07:002016-09-21T10:18:42.145-07:00It's been a year? <div style="text-align: center;">
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Has it really been a year since I've taken a moment to sit </div>
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down and write out my feelings? </div>
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Crazy how fast time moves when you're an adult. </div>
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I remember being a kid and counting down the </div>
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days until the weekend. Now it seems like the weekend is always </div>
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here and there are always a million and one things to be done. </div>
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People to see, places to go, house work to be done. </div>
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It's never ending. </div>
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I left this space on a prayer that my gut feeling was wrong. </div>
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but it wasn't wrong at all. </div>
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It was right, my IVF cycle had failed and we</div>
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were left with nothing. Nothing to show except </div>
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bruises and bills. </div>
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I often wonder what would have been. </div>
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What could have been.</div>
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I often think of our embryos that never made it to freeze. </div>
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How different life would have been if we had just one </div>
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more chance.</div>
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I'm pretty sure I went through every emotion after that.</div>
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But I was mostly angry. </div>
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why us? why not us? what are we doing wrong?</div>
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Shortly after we had some friends from out of town </div>
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move in with us for a short time while they looked </div>
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for a house here in Ohio. </div>
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There month stay turned into a 10 month stay. </div>
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It kept us busy. It kept our minds busy and it kept </div>
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the spare room full. </div>
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But once again it's empty. </div>
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Our hearts still ache for that missing puzzle piece. </div>
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I think not knowing where to go next is the scariest part. </div>
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We've talked about adoption. </div>
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We've talked about fostering. </div>
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We've talked about embryo donation </div>
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you name it we've discussed it. </div>
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but at the end of every conversation it always </div>
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goes back to "our baby" we want our baby </div>
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made by us and carried by me. </div>
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If that's not in the cards for us</div>
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then maybe none of this is. </div>
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maybe were not meant to be parents. </div>
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When I envision our lives in the future</div>
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I have two visions. </div>
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I see us with "our baby" I see myself pregnant. </div>
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I see us in the hospital I see family all around us </div>
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I see the first few nights of no sleep and making bottles in the dark. </div>
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But I also have another vision. I also see a baby that just comes to us. </div>
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I'm not sure how or from who but we get the call and go pick that baby up. </div>
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and from then on our lives are devoted to being the best parents that baby can have. </div>
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So maybe I am considering fostering. or adoption. </div>
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maybe both of those things are in our cards. </div>
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This whole journey is one fucked up mess. </div>
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and sometimes it's easier to just block it out of my mind. </div>
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If I don't think about it I don't have to deal with it. </div>
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maybe thats where I get the visions of a baby just appearing. </div>
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whatever our path is, whatever is in our cards, </div>
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whatever it is that we are waiting to be dealt </div>
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is taking a really long time and I'm close to being over it. </div>
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I'm almost 31. Scott just turned 33. </div>
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I don't want to be a 60 year old with a teenager. </div>
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Where is the answer and why after 7 long years is it not clear to me?</div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-37972149719806405732015-09-18T18:24:00.000-07:002015-09-18T18:24:42.814-07:00When It's Hardest To Pray<div style="text-align: center;">
Pray Hardest </div>
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When It's Hardest</div>
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To Pray. </div>
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<i>This isn't how it was supposed to happen. </i></div>
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I sobbed these words over and over </div>
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into Scott's chest last night as we lied in bed. </div>
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I knew it was over before it began. </div>
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The first few days after our transfer </div>
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I was on top of the world. </div>
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Every moment of every day I just felt </div>
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<i>Euphoric</i> </div>
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I was pupo. </div>
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I had life inside of me</div>
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I could feel it in my bones. </div>
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I imagined our lives everyday with this baby. </div>
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What Christmas would be like with a bump </div>
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what cute maternity outfit I would wear.</div>
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Who would visit us in the hospital </div>
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what color our nursery would be. </div>
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I filled my mind with the most</div>
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positive thoughts, there was never any doubt.</div>
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On day 5 I started to get antsy. </div>
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I was expecting to be feeling something at this point. </div>
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and I wasn't. There was nothing. </div>
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and then the questions on my IG account </div>
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started to roll in.</div>
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"When will you test?" </div>
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"Are you waiting until beta?"</div>
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The fear slowly crept in when I realized </div>
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that for the past 5 days I had thought of nothing else </div>
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in the world besides this embryo being our baby. </div>
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The one we would take home. </div>
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Our plan from the beginning was to wait </div>
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until the day of our beta and take </div>
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a digital that morning together. </div>
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That way we both knew and we weren't </div>
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waiting around all day on the call. </div>
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But on day 5 I started to get excited. </div>
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I wanted to see those pink lines. </div>
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I wanted the joy to last as long as possible. </div>
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So Scott and I agreed we would stock up </div>
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on FRER and begin testing.</div>
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AWFUL IDEA. </div>
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The first test I took was a left over test from god know when. </div>
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It was a blue dye test. </div>
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I was so nervous those entire 3 minutes. </div>
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I'm pretty sure I said the "Our Father" prayer 100 times. </div>
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when the timer went off I took and deep breath </div>
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and looked at the test. </div>
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"Where is the other line?"</div>
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"WHERE IS THE OTHER LINE?!"</div>
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I screamed at the test as </div>
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the tears rolled down my cheeks and </div>
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the pain in my gut sharpened. </div>
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It was negative. </div>
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100% </div>
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Negative. </div>
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I had a moment or two of panic </div>
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and then decided to talk myself into the </div>
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"it's just too early" mind frame. </div>
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an hour later I happened to glance at the test</div>
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and just as I know you suspected</div>
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a faint line had appeared. </div>
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Evap. </div>
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A damn evap line on a damn blue test. </div>
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God I hate those things!</div>
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I buried it in the trash and went about my day. </div>
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by 4 pm I decided to see what the FRER had to say. </div>
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and much to my surprise she had the same answer </div>
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as her stupid blue test brother.</div>
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Negative. </div>
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6dp6dt </div>
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am...Negative</div>
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pm....Negative</div>
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Hope slowly fading </div>
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<br /></div>
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7dp6dt </div>
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am...Negative</div>
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pm....Negative</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
By day 7 I just knew. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I just had that feeling deep inside </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that it didn't work. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
all of my hope is gone. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I read the words people wrote, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
they were all so kind and encouraging. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But it didn't make me feel better. </div>
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In fact, for a moment I got angry. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't want false hope. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The hardest part about this journey </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is all of the emotion you put in to each </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and every cycle. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you pray, you wish, you hope. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and when your hope fades </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you turn to the internet to find </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"the stories" of "the ones" who made it </div>
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the ones who have the outcome your looking for. </div>
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You give yourself false hope to ease the pain. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Not this time. I knew I couldn't do it this time. </div>
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after five years I am tired. </div>
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I am tired of hoping. </div>
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I know miracles happen every day. </div>
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But I am tired of hanging on to my hope </div>
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by a single thread that I know in my heart </div>
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is destined to break. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
8dp6dt </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
am...Negative</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pm....Negative </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
at this point I felt like I was just peeing </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on the sitcks to get them out of my house. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wasn't antsy waiting those three minutes. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't hold it up to the light or take it apart. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I waited for the results </div>
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and then I moved on. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My guard is up and my heart is prepared. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know the answer. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I just have to wait until Friday for the final say. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
9dp6dt</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Beta day. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't test. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I only had two left and they were both digital. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I think at this point reading the words </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"not pregnant" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
would have been worse than </div>
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just hearing my sweet nurses voice. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My blood drawl was early </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my nurse was excited to see me,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
more excited than i was to see her. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is such a sweet sweet person </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I knew the moment I saw her I wouldn't </div>
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be able to hold back the tears. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She had so much hope for us. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I told her as soon as I sat down </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that I had been testing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She looked sad. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but she said some really amazing things. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That made me remember why this is all so worth it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If anything we got answers out of this cycle. </div>
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We know I have plenty of eggs. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We know that I have some good eggs and some bad. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We know that this isn't the end. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There is more that can be done. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We can keep going. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We have the parts. </div>
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We just need to make them work. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's a little after 1pm and I'm still waiting on the call. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The call I know will seal the fate on this cycle. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm 98% sure I know the outcome.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hopefully they won't make me wait much longer. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So where will we go from here? </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm really not sure. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
part of me wants to be done. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
completely done. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just move on with our lives with out children. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But the other part of me cringes at the thought </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of living a childless life. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Only time will tell, as it always does. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you for being here, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you for reading and commenting and encouraging me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just. Thank You. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Until next time ♥</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>ps...If your into drinking games...Take a shot everytime I said the word "hope"</i> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
:) </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-28830760296154600802015-09-18T10:42:00.000-07:002015-09-18T10:42:03.098-07:00PUPO<div style="text-align: center;">
9.9.15</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The day was finally here.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We woke up early and got ready for the day! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The day that we would transfer </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
our one and only perfect embryo! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAyRWZvmjRn2I2VMG_AyDDCR5JmLVC4xjwvNVcowqx8FO3bSF5YAlp5_sku4TNpNg8h-k0-oSNh4aEmWu5i1s8fJFfNXtzEvVQiUFVou9STcfI4Xe3PZYnMn_rjV35cPDNfA1qejbqt50/s1600/IMG_3147.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAyRWZvmjRn2I2VMG_AyDDCR5JmLVC4xjwvNVcowqx8FO3bSF5YAlp5_sku4TNpNg8h-k0-oSNh4aEmWu5i1s8fJFfNXtzEvVQiUFVou9STcfI4Xe3PZYnMn_rjV35cPDNfA1qejbqt50/s320/IMG_3147.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We were the last apt of the day, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
which we learned to love, you get ALL </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of the attention when you go last! :) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We didn't wait long before we were called back </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and given our outfits to change into! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Scott got dark blue scrubs, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a hair net, shoe covers and a mask. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He was so giddy in that moment while we changed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I loved every second of it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Seeing pure joy on your husbands face </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is the best feeling in the world. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaQuTotBS6agUvTd12yMiVoKRi-tJ3wIGaAC0eC1xWr2QDau6ZRBQQpHqtPKmvV1Zzd2APZ_iiUrIRcsKsyvqnqmeh8YycdD5qYdu2mr67mdHXyCTksa09cA1e4GQAkOkZBLmitYGWRVk/s1600/IMG_3151.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaQuTotBS6agUvTd12yMiVoKRi-tJ3wIGaAC0eC1xWr2QDau6ZRBQQpHqtPKmvV1Zzd2APZ_iiUrIRcsKsyvqnqmeh8YycdD5qYdu2mr67mdHXyCTksa09cA1e4GQAkOkZBLmitYGWRVk/s320/IMG_3151.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Soon after we changed the nurse came to get us </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and Dr. G followed behind, He had a picture in his hand </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of our embryo right after they froze it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He handed us the picture and said a few encouraging words </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and off we went</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij0QZI-dmiiKaeWVNCCP1lTXzKtugZyener0SqMKwDUNkS7WzaMi2nn-FSQhqX_Y5pfZGexCLzPtrEOGfmXgmvm1xYLRLnACh9UrfQ0ypd48754HbbGnbLpb1-V7Lk-hR0y61r_oQWGMk/s1600/IMG_3134.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij0QZI-dmiiKaeWVNCCP1lTXzKtugZyener0SqMKwDUNkS7WzaMi2nn-FSQhqX_Y5pfZGexCLzPtrEOGfmXgmvm1xYLRLnACh9UrfQ0ypd48754HbbGnbLpb1-V7Lk-hR0y61r_oQWGMk/s320/IMG_3134.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we walked into the operating room </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and the embryologist was waiting for us </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
our tiny ball of cells was up on the screen. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I though for sure I would cry. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But the smile on my face was too big. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She went over our information and verified that </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we were the parents of the tiny human she held in her hands.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Right after that I was told to lie back so we could </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
proceed. I thought for sure it would feel like an IUI</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that little snip of pain that only lasts for a few seconds. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But I felt nothing! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I couldn't really see the screen because I was tilted </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
almost upside down. So instead I stared at Scott </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
while I head my Oma's rosary and prayed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a quick 5 minutes later I was sat up and </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dr. G turned the screen toward us! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and replayed the video he had just created. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We watched as he inserted the cathitor </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and pushed our little Embryo into my uterus. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was a magical moment. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Seeing it float out of the tube and into my body. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnQEyB1agTzjY4488zNC5gtQoRosBYDsLGtqcJW8nR-_6o7RqteWzIo6vxnGhweS-Mi0H1g1IKpUP7V7hbl7i-lj07t0d5bDyKnd2L-PB5ybvYdU90d4hPQ5hVxq65kMprenmFicAw9Aw/s1600/IMG_3129.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnQEyB1agTzjY4488zNC5gtQoRosBYDsLGtqcJW8nR-_6o7RqteWzIo6vxnGhweS-Mi0H1g1IKpUP7V7hbl7i-lj07t0d5bDyKnd2L-PB5ybvYdU90d4hPQ5hVxq65kMprenmFicAw9Aw/s320/IMG_3129.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQSBbZK-sdILEsRqWgrl9xAZ2zFsb5X51wkLSdx2PE9yTORkd7FX_sB1Z-9gS3L_6o1OO6y-KLZun5Qx_1tuB1U6F2uRBsQ9IZlhSfgqzKU9K3oxOZWhRdAUfQaOdeUlzPzoee4Pgyy8g/s1600/IMG_3146.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQSBbZK-sdILEsRqWgrl9xAZ2zFsb5X51wkLSdx2PE9yTORkd7FX_sB1Z-9gS3L_6o1OO6y-KLZun5Qx_1tuB1U6F2uRBsQ9IZlhSfgqzKU9K3oxOZWhRdAUfQaOdeUlzPzoee4Pgyy8g/s320/IMG_3146.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
We got another picture and headed back to the room to change.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSt4H_XVOTRfG5MyZE_xBDWMFsLfEON5iKJCw6y3bX6H7md3LYrBWYqZBWqR5Wxa2B9UhtM5JD-2VOc8KSLPsEN31rkvbJtcFXlfjTmb6Uqqe0TrjCJJieC6FGTF1KXbPNcRUXTiNm0hQ/s1600/IMG_3139.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSt4H_XVOTRfG5MyZE_xBDWMFsLfEON5iKJCw6y3bX6H7md3LYrBWYqZBWqR5Wxa2B9UhtM5JD-2VOc8KSLPsEN31rkvbJtcFXlfjTmb6Uqqe0TrjCJJieC6FGTF1KXbPNcRUXTiNm0hQ/s320/IMG_3139.JPG" width="256" /></a></div>
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We were told to get some food and take it easy for the day. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All I wanted was my couch and some Panera. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Scott took the entire day off which was so nice. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We just laid around and watched movies. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
he waited on me hand and foot :) </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZhS9kJ4u__Yl25-th3PVlPwExPEQmiEhGrKgRxQv1N68O8GCsDlxnd7FxmuLFwG69uPGkiBPGpHGYvb6mC_wsfC-FeWA80jaEKWkpBgmBZTsZzHPXW7dBGk58gLDsMhDejy18xs90EHY/s1600/IMG_3154.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZhS9kJ4u__Yl25-th3PVlPwExPEQmiEhGrKgRxQv1N68O8GCsDlxnd7FxmuLFwG69uPGkiBPGpHGYvb6mC_wsfC-FeWA80jaEKWkpBgmBZTsZzHPXW7dBGk58gLDsMhDejy18xs90EHY/s320/IMG_3154.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
The next day my mom came over baring </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
TONS of groceries! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A little quick side story...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Two days before the transfer I was rushed </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to the ER with extreme shortness of breath and pain </div>
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in my upper right abdomen. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Turns out I have a crap load of gall stones! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There was no need for emergency surgery </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as my gall bladder was not inflamed or infected. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and we were cleared by multiple doctors to proceed </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with the transfer. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With that being said. My whole diet had to change. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
IF I was going to be pregnant I had to manage </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my gall problems so that surgery would not have to happen. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Gall bladder diets suck. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But my mom found some great recipes and </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stocked us up on all of the foods that I can eat! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She cooked for me all day. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was so nice to have here there! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I must have asked her 100 times if she would just move it :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My Aunt L showed up later in the afternoon </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to check up on me and drop off a few gifts! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I loved having visitors and I couldn't help but envision </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
9 months from now when people would be coming </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to visit the baby! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The day after that my MIL came to visit! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She brought me panera! haha I was on a roll </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and it was the only thing that sounded good </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
besides bland broth and mashed potatoes. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She brought me some cute gifts and we hung out on the couch </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and chatted the day away. It was really nice to have her visit. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Saturday we had some friends come in from out of town. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we again took it easy. I made sure to get up and move around.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Keep my blood flowing! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sunday Scott and I took a quick drive over to the pumpkin patch </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and picked a mom dad and baby pumpkin for our front porch</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we had a nice day out and followed it with a great lunch </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and an afternoon nap. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The rest of the days are kind of a blur. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
When you're home for a long time you forget </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
silly things like what day it was, or if you had taken </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
your meds for the day lol.. </div>
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I was off work for 8 days so I had to keep myself busy </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but not overly active. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Beta is 9.18.15 </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My plan was not to test.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But my next post will explain how the rest of the week </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
played out. </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-48843071435556633462015-09-02T13:07:00.002-07:002015-09-02T13:07:52.032-07:00Summer 2015 <div style="text-align: center;">
I can't begin to explain how happy I am that summer </div>
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is quickly coming to an end! </div>
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I am not one for heat, or frizzy hair. </div>
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I don't like my legs sticking to my leather truck seats </div>
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and I hate sweating off my bronzer. </div>
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Give me fall and winter year round and I'm happy. </div>
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I wanted to jot down some fun things we did this summer </div>
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other than IVF, I mean IVF is fun but I want to remember</div>
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non related IVF stuff too! </div>
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So my baby cousin graduated :)</div>
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He was my real life baby doll as a kid! </div>
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my mom babysat him 5 days a week </div>
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I would get home from school </div>
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and play with him until my aunt picked him up! </div>
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I even taught him how to walk at 10 months!</div>
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It's hard to believe how old he is now :( </div>
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I see big things in his future and can't wait </div>
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to watch him transition into being an adult! </div>
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<br />At the very end of May Scott and I took a long weekend </div>
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down to see my cousin and her girls :) </div>
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She was promoted to a new position in the Air Force </div>
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and moved from Florida to Alabama </div>
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We made a trip down to see the twins in early June</div>
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before our trip to Florida in July ♥</div>
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3 days before our trip to Florida I had a freak out moment </div>
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about my hair color and health and decided to go back dark :0</div>
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I'm still rocking the dark but definitely missing the blonde! </div>
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At the end of June Scott and I road tripped down to </div>
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FL to meet up with my parents for our </div>
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annual Ft Lauderdale trip! </div>
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We ended up leaving a day early to head down </div>
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and planned to camp in a tent on the beach..</div>
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4 hours into our drive (we left at 10pm) </div>
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we hit really really bad weather in Kentucky.</div>
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The part of Kentucky where there is nothing</div>
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It was raining so hard you couldnt see anything </div>
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and the truck was hydroplaning all over the highway</div>
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we pulled off at the first exit we could find </div>
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and decided to sleep for a few hours until the storm passed</div>
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our hotel choices were slim and we ended up in a $60 dollar </div>
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room, the ones where your scared to pull back the covers. </div>
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The storm was still going strong and about 5 mintues after we laid </div>
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down a lighting bolt hit the power line right outside our room! </div>
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It was insanely scary and I'm a storm lover! </div>
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So much for sleeping! </div>
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Once we got up and got back on the road </div>
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I decided there was no way in hell I was sleeping </div>
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in a tent. on sand. I needed a real bed and a real shower!</div>
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So Scott agreed and let me pick out the hotel! </div>
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I picked the pinkest hotel florida has to offer :) </div>
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everything in this hotel was pink! and it was perfect! </div>
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The next morning we went to breakfast and then </div>
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picked my parents up from the airport</div>
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those brats were living it up for the week in Vegas!</div>
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Everything from that point on was just pure relaxation!</div>
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The cutest resort ever we've been coming to for years</div>
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Our pool is pretty much on the beach </div>
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and since you cant burn your feet or get eatin by a shark </div>
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in the pool that's were I decided to stay :)</div>
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A lot of red solo cups and lounging around :)</div>
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and my dollar store hat to keep my face wrinkle free!</div>
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We played an intense game or two of shuffleboard to pass </div>
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the evening hours while others napped :)</div>
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At the end of the week my parents decided </div>
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they wanted to stay a few extra days so Scott and I flew home</div>
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He had work and I had an ultrasound scheduled for our IVF cycle</div>
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Flying was SO MUCH NICER than that god awful 18 hour drive</div>
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I mean I love a good road trip but 18 hours is just too damn long. </div>
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8.8.15 One of my very best friends tied the knot!</div>
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by pure luck I found her the perfect venue </div>
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are they not the cutest!</div>
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yes I have a beer in my hand it was 100 degrees </div>
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it was a fabulous weeding and so so so much fun!! </div>
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Mia being a Ham on the way to the rehearsal dinner </div>
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On the 10th my mom and I went to our first </div>
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concert ALONE! we saw REBA!!! </div>
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We had an absolute blast! </div>
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On the 22nd Scott and I went with my parents to </div>
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see 3 doors down! </div>
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My dad and I have seen them about 5 times now!</div>
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they put on a great show! </div>
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Unfortiountly my cell died right before </div>
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the concert started so I got two pictures -_-</div>
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Yes we tailgate </div>
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The next weekend Scott and I joined </div>
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my dad and his friends son Vito </div>
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to a Bengals vs. Bears preseason Football game!</div>
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which was also a blast! </div>
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Before the game! </div>
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This weekend we are taking it easy! </div>
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Our transfer is one week from today!! </div>
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I'm so ready for fall and winter!</div>
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Just seven more days...</div>
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AHHHHHHHH</div>
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I can't wait!!!! </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-58892008629852650442015-08-31T09:57:00.000-07:002015-08-31T09:57:17.645-07:00whats going on up in there?<div style="text-align: center;">
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▼•▼•▼•▼•▼</div>
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8.31.15</div>
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This morning was my last lining scan before transfer! </div>
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only 9 more sleeps!!! </div>
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Everything looked great my lining was at a 10 </div>
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and I had a nice three strip appearance! </div>
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Dr. G said he likes to see anything over a 6 </div>
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at this point in the process so a 10 is fabulous! </div>
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Today I will increase my Estrace to 3 times a day </div>
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Friday I will add Crinone and Saturday starts a low dose</div>
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of Prednisone to keep those AK cells quite! </div>
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It's crazy to think that in just 10 days I'll be </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pupo :) </div>
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Please dear God let this baby stick around. </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-35458568917645468842015-08-25T07:59:00.002-07:002015-08-25T07:59:32.234-07:00F E T <div style="text-align: center;">
Time is flying by. </div>
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Yesterday I started my Estrace </div>
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I also switched my diet up to 100% clean </div>
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by 2pm my head was throbbing. </div>
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I was also mildly bitchy </div>
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and I felt super irritated. </div>
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I got home around 5 and napped till 7</div>
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Scott called to tell me he would be working later</div>
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when I hung up the phone I cried. </div>
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He often works overtime so I'm not sure </div>
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why I was crying. In that moment I just missed him.</div>
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When he got home I cried again. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is it possible for Estrace to dump it's shit </div>
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side effects on you so quickly?</div>
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Anyways he asked why I was crying </div>
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to which I had no real reason but blurted out..</div>
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Debbie called our embryo a "he" today</div>
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then I cried harder. </div>
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He said why are you crying?! will you be upset if its a boy!? </div>
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to which I quickly replied NO NO NO that is not why I am upset! </div>
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I'm upset because I didn't want to know the sex!</div>
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I then told him the rest of the story and how </div>
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she said he then quickly said or she...</div>
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and after I told the whole story out loud </div>
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I realized that I sounded insane.<br />Scott began laughing and said welp there's still a 50/50 chance then! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
At least I can mark day one off the calendar and hope </div>
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that day two is better! </div>
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15 more sleeps till our transfer!!</div>
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AHHHHHHHH!</div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-34218701872713967982015-08-03T09:20:00.000-07:002015-08-03T09:20:19.011-07:00Time To Pop Bottles and Dance On Tables!<div style="text-align: center;">
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This past weekend was </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
one of my best friends bachelorette party</div>
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Hosted by me and Jillian :) </div>
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We had so. much. fun.</div>
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<br /></div>
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We rented a couple of hotel rooms in downtown Newport, KY </div>
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we all met down there around 4pm </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and got ready together, we did a little pre gaming </div>
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then headed to Cincinnati for dinner and dancing! </div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY6R2ZZEqfYWzC5L_119B29QK2EbDiVRR24W43_bFnDw7rDUIEl5rzSSiK8JU_f-LWv4wMeX8HzdK5nQpVdtKgGBCS2I6adtKR6dF9jQwg5g_gkNWiH4L7eTYnhUnMnj1KLODuZCu3tNU/s1600/jsbach2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY6R2ZZEqfYWzC5L_119B29QK2EbDiVRR24W43_bFnDw7rDUIEl5rzSSiK8JU_f-LWv4wMeX8HzdK5nQpVdtKgGBCS2I6adtKR6dF9jQwg5g_gkNWiH4L7eTYnhUnMnj1KLODuZCu3tNU/s320/jsbach2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The "Theme" was gatsby I glittered everything I could find<br />and made headbands for each of the girls :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjSuCb6XI32iY1ppjHJg4qPKq_rNcjD2ZYE6_ZYdAp56WW62WM2eazQP8n3k5yKaQUQTrRKzpUoO0_Ln-WLnN-nINz70Huxol5u6ounek-Z93PeP-3kxwOC82dh643OywQvlJdt-FoX_Y/s1600/jsbach3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjSuCb6XI32iY1ppjHJg4qPKq_rNcjD2ZYE6_ZYdAp56WW62WM2eazQP8n3k5yKaQUQTrRKzpUoO0_Ln-WLnN-nINz70Huxol5u6ounek-Z93PeP-3kxwOC82dh643OywQvlJdt-FoX_Y/s320/jsbach3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jenn Jillian and me :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKmPngRIP7hwTuWvKDe5BaCVnoj8fDxUyr7qC52jRHVEsXdPfMAY-QpC0rt81LgdGF9qQINlGU6Y9-GrWsEmP9NmX51mMsfm-zVAOVS9jPHfklGbEh5Yeue6QtAFUTXYhqoxRHfwM_kjk/s1600/jsbach6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKmPngRIP7hwTuWvKDe5BaCVnoj8fDxUyr7qC52jRHVEsXdPfMAY-QpC0rt81LgdGF9qQINlGU6Y9-GrWsEmP9NmX51mMsfm-zVAOVS9jPHfklGbEh5Yeue6QtAFUTXYhqoxRHfwM_kjk/s320/jsbach6.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Bride to be! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsT-CzNvyYVU0TBBu1Aqj5FL6tZc1_x6HsjRR8VHI4ayvDl5VVK71IRgS5JoDfZHxGpdtj8CvjAnfJ2oqIdZHnilKLvSIzA8d7xPDRWivoujEksxqdhk3h-3UM4IaoXhjigkbiqfThRx8/s1600/jsbach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsT-CzNvyYVU0TBBu1Aqj5FL6tZc1_x6HsjRR8VHI4ayvDl5VVK71IRgS5JoDfZHxGpdtj8CvjAnfJ2oqIdZHnilKLvSIzA8d7xPDRWivoujEksxqdhk3h-3UM4IaoXhjigkbiqfThRx8/s320/jsbach.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So much fun~!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm proud to say everyone stuck together </div>
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no one got roofied and we didn't lose the bride!! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just 5 days now until the wedding!! </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-84378699530146033102015-07-27T13:22:00.000-07:002015-07-27T13:22:54.954-07:00One is all we need <div style="text-align: center;">
I just received the call! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ONE HEALTHY NORMAL EMBRYO!!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I should have updated sooner with the results of the </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
five day check which turned into the 6 day check. </div>
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On Day 6 I got the call that 2 of our 5 embryos </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
had made it to blast and were able to be biopsied and frozen! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was petrified sending 2 embryos for PGD testing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The Genetic testing odds are crazy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Most people get back 1 to 3 normal embryos. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but most people send more than TWO! </div>
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But that's what we had so that is what we sent!</div>
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and I praise god for ONE normal embryo!!!</div>
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I asked not to know the gender at this time</div>
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for a couple reasons. One I was on the phone </div>
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and I wanted Scott to be with me when we found out. </div>
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and Two there aren't many surprises left in life </div>
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and after everything we have gone through to get here </div>
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I feel like we deserve a surprise.</div>
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Now I'm not sure how long we will wait because </div>
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Scott is super antsy and wants to know right away! </div>
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We will figure it out when the time is right! </div>
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So where do we go from here?</div>
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Well I start birth control today which I will take for 3 weeks</div>
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then around August 17th I will start Estrogen and have a scan </div>
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then two weeks later I start progesterone and have another scan</div>
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Then sometime around September 9th-12th we will have our transfer!!</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you so much to everyone that sent messages emails and texts</div>
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your love, support and prayers mean the world to us!! </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-38972681986037151312015-07-17T18:56:00.001-07:002015-07-17T18:56:56.847-07:00FIVE!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
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Five!! Five eggs made it to fertilization!! </div>
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Pray pray pray they all make it</div>
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To day 5!!</div>
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Five just might be my new lucky number!! </div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-49932843643325824922015-07-16T18:52:00.002-07:002015-07-16T19:14:46.502-07:00Yes I wore Heels To My Egg Retrieval! <div style="text-align: center;">
This morning was our Egg Retrieval!</div>
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I woke up super early </div>
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and straightened my hair </div>
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put on my favorite black top paired with some </div>
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pearls and my new favorite black heels :) </div>
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Feeling pretty always puts me in a better mood </div>
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and I wanted to be in the best mood possible today! </div>
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We arrived a little early to finish up some paperwork </div>
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and pay for the anesthesiologist </div>
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We waited for about thirty minutes before being called back.</div>
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It was crazy to walk through the back of the office </div>
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and into a whole new world! We were taken to recovery </div>
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where I changed into my gown and got hooked up to </div>
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my IV and blood pressure cuff.</div>
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Shortly after the anesthesiologist came in to go</div>
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over a few things and off we went into the retrieval room!</div>
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It was a little creepy at first, a dim lit room with lots </div>
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of silver shinny stuff and a gyno bed with huge </div>
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black holsters for your thighs! </div>
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two nurses talked to me while </div>
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the anesthesiologist got me all hooked up </div>
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a few minutes later the dr came in </div>
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and asked one of the nurses to come with him, </div>
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I waited for what seemed like an hour </div>
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with my legs strapped to the bed and </div>
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the annoying oxygen tubes in my nose.</div>
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When they finally came back she reassured me </div>
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that the hold up had nothing to do with me </div>
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and that we would get started soon!! </div>
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The embryologist rolled in the giant machine </div>
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and verified that my dishes matched my name and number. </div>
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once everything was verified the </div>
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anesthesiologist said it was time for the sleepy drugs, </div>
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a little nose tingle and then I remember nothing. </div>
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I woke up what seemed like 5 minutes later in the recovery room. </div>
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I just felt sore, and groggy. </div>
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I didn't even say anything crazy! </div>
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The girl that came out before I went back was </div>
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talking about buffalo chicken dip and make up???</div>
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I think that scared me into silence! </div>
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Dr. G came in about 10 minutes later to </div>
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let me know he retrieved 8 eggs and that </div>
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my breathing started to diminish and the </div>
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anesthesiologist made them stop where they were </div>
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to wake me up. He never got to the left ovary.</div>
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I'm okay with that though I would rather be </div>
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breathing than have a few more eggs!</div>
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We were the last surgery of the day </div>
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and had the whole recovery room to our selves </div>
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we were waiting for the embryologist </div>
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to let us know that the ICSI had been completed </div>
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and that we could leave, In the mean time </div>
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our nurse came back and told us Dr. G's </div>
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wife and one of my favorite nurses wanted to serve us lunch!</div>
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They had Honey Baked Ham delivered </div>
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and brought us back sandwiches, potato salad, fruit and cookies!</div>
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Once we got the all clear I headed with my mom </div>
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to my parents house and Scott headed into work</div>
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I took a much need long nap and </div>
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lounged around for most of the day!</div>
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My pain is pretty much gone at this point </div>
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and I'm just anxious to hear tomorrows report!!!</div>
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Here are so more pics from today!! </div>
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Here are a couple photos from my egg shoot with my mom</div>
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how weird is it that she just so happened to </div>
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hard boil 8 eggs yesterday!!! WEIRD!!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXn8jaGDWfw7iLh8Q0g7rgQZ6NQAA4SYUM3T_-YV-Pg5Je0s0uCJY_tjx_iKQ9HyQl0bYmiBXZmUWPXvGYOShjEeGk1xoQUVGldHjyCepYT6ynDa5OAHg4Lfw5WSKuAIvf10WlCXXDZg/s1600/IMG_1827.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXn8jaGDWfw7iLh8Q0g7rgQZ6NQAA4SYUM3T_-YV-Pg5Je0s0uCJY_tjx_iKQ9HyQl0bYmiBXZmUWPXvGYOShjEeGk1xoQUVGldHjyCepYT6ynDa5OAHg4Lfw5WSKuAIvf10WlCXXDZg/s320/IMG_1827.JPG" width="255" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">hahah just a little photo shoot humor :)</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJFm5srxTAtnjeoPWdI5kreCTYMZ1CqhQhSVzp_WC984p7otT8pI1T3SJWfPTtQiOa5fdezau2D39rnpudPxwiGtby9J144n91odJ6L4Bl5-ttMW0SvZNrtEYCBgqpI_Q-auCc9CwUoJo/s1600/FullSizeRender-28.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJFm5srxTAtnjeoPWdI5kreCTYMZ1CqhQhSVzp_WC984p7otT8pI1T3SJWfPTtQiOa5fdezau2D39rnpudPxwiGtby9J144n91odJ6L4Bl5-ttMW0SvZNrtEYCBgqpI_Q-auCc9CwUoJo/s320/FullSizeRender-28.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>If your into drinking games, take a shot every time </i></div>
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<i>I said anesthesiologist :) </i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Until tomorrow! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>XOXO</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-3382960651385703772015-07-13T12:55:00.000-07:002015-07-13T12:55:10.110-07:00IVf... E2 RESULTS, FOLLICLES & FEELINGS <div style="text-align: center;">
<i>July 13th 2015</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Day 3 E2 155</div>
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Day 5 E2 508</div>
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Day 7 E2 1058</div>
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Day 9 E2 1757</div>
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<br /></div>
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Follicle scan today showed 25 follicles </div>
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most measuring 14mm to 17mm </div>
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Another ultrasound a lab is set for tomorrow </div>
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and it is looking like our retrieval will be</div>
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Thursday July 16th 2015! </div>
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<br /></div>
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Feelings: </div>
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So far (knock on wood) I've felt pretty good! </div>
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around day 5 I started using a heating pad which seems </div>
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to be helping quite a bit. </div>
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I would describe the full ovary pain like a runners cramp </div>
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just a constant pain in your side. </div>
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I read somewhere yesterday that </div>
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when your follicles are around 18mm they </div>
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are the size of green grapes... </div>
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So all I can picture now are a bunch of grapes </div>
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hanging out in my pelvis. </div>
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My right side is still the leader with 16 follies! </div>
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I feel good about these numbers. </div>
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I know this is a banking / freeze all cycle </div>
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and I'm doing a pretty good job of not obsessing </div>
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over everything, like how many I have </div>
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how big they are, what the averages are, </div>
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how big their supposed to be..ect.. </div>
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I'm just kind of "going with the flow" </div>
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Day 9 I started to feel a little like I could cry on command. </div>
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or at something as stupid as a tide commercial. </div>
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but I feel like those emotions come and go. </div>
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I definitely don't feel crazy like I did that one time </div>
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I took 250mg of clomid in one month %-O</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm planning to take Wednesday off work to relax </div>
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before Thursday. </div>
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Then Thursday Scott and I will go in together </div>
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and about an hour later my mom will meet us there. </div>
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The procedure should take about 15-20 minutes </div>
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and then an hour plus in recovery.</div>
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After that I will be going to my parents to sleep </div>
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while Scott heads back to work. </div>
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I also took Friday off to just chill and make sure </div>
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my body is fully recovered. </div>
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I will also be taking a medication to prevent OHSS </div>
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Dr. G said before he started using this med, </div>
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he would have 2 or more cases of OHSS a month</div>
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now that he has it on bored he hasn't had a case in 2 years!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Science is pretty freaking cool. </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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I'll try and update tomorrow too and then </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'll be back on Thursday or Friday to let you know </div>
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how many eggs were retrieved! :) </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-29166287996281059422015-07-08T10:52:00.002-07:002015-07-08T10:52:18.537-07:00IVF....<div style="text-align: center;">
June 27th 2015</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I took my first injection for IVF!</div>
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The timing worked out perfectly somehow. </div>
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Let me back track a bit. </div>
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At the end of April when our 5th IUI failed</div>
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we had decided enough was enough </div>
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we were ready to move on. </div>
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We talked with the Dr. and tossed around </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
July for a start time for IVF. </div>
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We had also agreed we would be doing </div>
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IVF with PGD and ICSI. </div>
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The month of May we took it easy, </div>
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not really thinking about anything ttc related.<br />Scott and I had a few discussions on</div>
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the timing of everything, if we really wanted to start </div>
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in July...If we wanted to wait..If we wanted to </div>
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just do it now and quit waiting. </div>
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Somewhere around June 18th</div>
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I got a call from the RE. </div>
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It was one of my favorite nurses! </div>
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She was calling to make sure we were </div>
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going to make it in that week for our routine blood drawl. </div>
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When I told her about our discussions with waiting until fall </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
she informed me that we were already on the schedule!</div>
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everything was set, ready and in place for us to begin! </div>
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There was no turning back now...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
June 23rd 2015 we went in for our BW and my baseline </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ultrasound. Everything was cleared and I was given </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my schedule, my instructions for our embryo tank </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and was told to wait for the call to pay for my meds. </div>
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It all happened so fast! </div>
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I had no time to be nervous </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had no time to second guess anything.</div>
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The next day I woke up to the Fed Ex guy </div>
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banging on my door with a box containing my future. </div>
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We were set to leave for Florida that up coming Thurday night</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so I seperated what I needed to take and continued on </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
getting myself ready for vacation. </div>
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No thinking, No worrying, No freak out OMG I'm doing IVF moments. </div>
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Perfection. </div>
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Pure Perfection. </div>
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I couldn't have asked for better timing. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We arrived in Florida Friday night after a long ass car ride. </div>
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Saturday morning after we settled in the hotel </div>
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I got out my Lupron and gave myself my first </div>
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IVF injection. It was cake. </div>
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The next few days were some of the best most </div>
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relaxing, zen moments of my life. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The thing about out yearly Florida trip is </div>
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Twice now I have been down there pregnant. </div>
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and Twice left miscarrying our babies. </div>
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I don't know what it is, but I made </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sure that this trip would be completely different. </div>
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No trips to the ER</div>
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No heartbreak. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm happy to say I succeeded in making it </div>
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the perfect trip. </div>
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Back to the zen...</div>
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for the first 5 days down there </div>
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I woke up at 6am every morning. </div>
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I didn't set an alarm I just woke up. </div>
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I went out to pool and watched the sun come up </div>
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just me. and my thoughts. </div>
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in silence. </div>
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After the sun filled the sky </div>
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I floated around in the pool listening to the </div>
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waves and the waterfall and the the birds </div>
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I made shapes out of the clouds and </div>
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cleared my mind of everything. </div>
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I was in total peace. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
On July 5th </div>
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Scott and I sat together and mixed up </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my first day of stims </div>
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It went much more smoothly than I could have </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ever imagined. </div>
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I'd read so much about the "burn" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and the giant needle. </div>
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But in reality.. </div>
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It didn't burn. Not even a little bit! </div>
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and the needle? Tiny compared to what my mind had perceived. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's now July 8th and I'm on my 4th day of stims! </div>
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My E2 on day 3 came back at 155</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so I am continuing on the same dose until </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my next set of labs and ultrasound on Thursday!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
As of today we don't have an exact date </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
for our egg retrieval but we know it will </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
be sometime next week. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It dawned on me today </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that next week we will have embryos, babies. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
babies. next week we will have tiny little balls of cells that </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
will be our babies!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So crazy! </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm so thankful to everyone who has helped </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and continues to help us through this process. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Love and Support is really what gets you by. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'll leave you with some pictures!!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWcybNR2-ryvQGXeVdZZP8smirgIpEzRJATmO5LmyrQZvUXU-kkQ69az_-KolrFZBMfYunzsrRM_C_TY3-gX2HcC-MiFQgZiWhpWPpFYt6DxJVXybDX4ZU4WWVSoNxceCCTEshR0xsJM0/s1600/IMG_1586.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWcybNR2-ryvQGXeVdZZP8smirgIpEzRJATmO5LmyrQZvUXU-kkQ69az_-KolrFZBMfYunzsrRM_C_TY3-gX2HcC-MiFQgZiWhpWPpFYt6DxJVXybDX4ZU4WWVSoNxceCCTEshR0xsJM0/s320/IMG_1586.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">a clip from our mixing video...concentrating real hard!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-40795450286917238182015-04-29T12:19:00.003-07:002015-04-29T12:19:20.224-07:00WTF Was That?!<div style="text-align: center;">
IUI #5 was a bust. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But it definitely wasn't a simple BFN...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
About 9dpiui and 7dpt (booster shot) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I began testing so that I could </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
make sure the second booster was gone. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
for two days I watched it fade to nothing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
On the third day I switched to FRER </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and got a faint line. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I kept my cool knowing that I had switched </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
brands and that it could still be the trigger.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The next day I took another one,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it was darker. So as any POAS addict would </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I held my pee and took a pm test. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Darker again. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Day 4 even darker... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I kept testing and the tests kept slightly increasing..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
By friday I knew there was no way </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I could make it through the weekend with out a BETA test. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So off I went, 4 hours later one of my favorite nurses</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
called to say that while my HCG count was technically positive</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
at a 12</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we should be cautiously optimistic because there </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
was always a chance that it was still the booster shot. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In my head I had convinced myself it couldn't be. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I mean I tested out that shot. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I saw it turn negative</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So in we go to the weekend..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
By Sunday I had driven myself so crazy </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that I went and bought a digital.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I mean if my numbers were rising it would surely </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
show up on a digital right?! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So I used second morning urin and took the digy</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with in 3 minutes it popped up </div>
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PREGNANT 1-2 </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Woooowhoooo I thought!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my levels have to be over 25! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So Monday rolls around </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I go in for another BETA..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The longest 6 hours of my life go by </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and finally my phone rings. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My stomach drops and my heart is in my throat</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I contemplated letting it go to voice mail. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But I answered. </div>
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I knew as soon as she spoke. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Her tone was soft and sad. </div>
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I'm so sorry. were the first words out of her mouth. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I kept it together for the first couple of minutes </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as she explained that my HCG had dropped to 6 </div>
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and that my period probably had not started</div>
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because I was supplementing with progesterone. </div>
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She said I needed to go ahead and stop taking that. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then she went on to say that we were still </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
set for IVF and that we had time to do one more IUI...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and that's when I lost it. </div>
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All of the emotions hit me at once, </div>
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The first one was Anger. </div>
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Then sadness. </div>
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Then fear. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She began to cry with me.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
just repeating over and over I'm so sorry. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She talked to me a few more minutes before we </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
finally said goodbye, I had caught my breath </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and was able to focus. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wasn't alone when the call came and I am so thankful for that</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had spent the day with my sister in law and my twin nieces </div>
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we were on our way to get some ice cream, help take my mind off </div>
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the impending phone call. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The rest of the day I just felt sad. </div>
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I had prayed more than I ever have in my life. </div>
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I for once felt so close to god. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I felt like he had seen our struggles and was </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ready to bless us. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My sadness turned to anger. </div>
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Anger at Him anger at my body.</div>
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Anger at the whole fucked up situation. </div>
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I moved passed the anger pretty quickly </div>
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and my mind jumped straight to fear. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This was our last attempt before IVF. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
IVF scares the shit out of me. </div>
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It's not the meds or the shots or the price that scare me. </div>
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Its the failure. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's the off chance you end up with low to no eggs </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
at retrieval. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's that wait for the phone call that lets you know</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How many if any of</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
your embryos survived.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's the PGD testing that takes additional weeks.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's that phone call to say if you have normal </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
healthy embryos. </div>
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It's the "What IF" It doesn't work. </div>
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what if none of it works. </div>
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Then what?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That question brings tears to my eyes </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and turns my stomach. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Today I am in a better place.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have found my strength and started to look </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
at the positives in everything. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We are taking a trip to Florida in June before </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
IVF in july. I am hoping this vacation </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
will help us relax and get our minds in a really good spot. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I meet with the anesthesiologist on May 13th. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I assume he will be the one to deem me "fit" for the procedure. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and from there we get our schedule and order our meds. </div>
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I know we can do this. I know I can do this. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's going to take more inner strength than ever before </div>
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but it can and will be done. </div>
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I will update after our meeting and leave you with some pictures</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of my HPTS from this last cycle...</div>
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I want you to see how crazy dark a line can be </div>
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for an HCG of 12 and 6!!! </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
All above tests had an HCG of somewhere between 6 and 12!!! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the CB Digital was taken 6 hours before my hcg count of a 6!</div>
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Those tests are supposed to pick up 25 to 200! not 6!</div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-72854503833041450672015-04-06T12:15:00.002-07:002015-04-06T12:15:39.976-07:00IUI 5!<div style="text-align: center;">
Holy Hell how is it already April 6th?!</div>
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April 1st came and went and I survived. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm pretty sure I will always hate that day. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I can't believe it's been 3 years since we lost our 3rd angel</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I find it even harder to believe that we are still on </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this shit ass roller coaster! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In 3 months it will be an entire year since our 4th loss. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It' absolutely insane to me how fast time passes. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tomorrow is CD14 and I will go for my second follicle scan.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My scan on Friday showed 1 lead at 14mm and</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
2 more not far behind.. So we will get to peek at those tomorrow</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and hopefully they will be ready for trigger and IUI number FIVE </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on Wednesday! Five freaking IUI's that's just crazy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am praying so hard that this IUI works. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If it doesn't...were already on the list for IVF in early July.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The thought of it makes me want to puke. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know I can do it physically. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have no problem with needles or injections. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But the hormones, The OHSS risk and the uncertainty of the entire thing </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
scares the living shit out of me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So for now fingers toes legs arms eye balls crossed </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that IUI#5 is our lucky charm! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-27307907566513968702015-03-24T11:28:00.004-07:002015-03-24T11:28:51.705-07:00IUI#4 BUST<div style="text-align: center;">
Well IUI # 4 was a bust..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I would like to say I'm surprised but I'm not. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The 2ww is always weird for me.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the first week its like oh ya this is it! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and the second weeks it's like F*^$ it didn't work..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then Beta day comes and I'm either cramping </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
or bleeding so I know I'm out. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will say though that this office </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
has got me in such a better place. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I love my nurses and I love my dr. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We go back Tuesday for a baseline. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We will be doing another IUI while we get </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on the list for IVF.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(The office is new so IVF isn't offered until May) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We will talk about adding injectables </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and trying to boost the amount of eggs I'm producing </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to better our odds. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In the meantime we will be adding our names on the IVF </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
list and getting everything in line for May.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thanks for the prayers and well wishes on this last cycle!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here we go again... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-19753696423142251322015-03-10T11:03:00.000-07:002015-03-10T15:05:00.882-07:001dpIUI-4<div style="text-align: center;">
HI!! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Today is 1dpIUI number 4!~</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Our first IUI with our new Dr. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It went excellent! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It did hurt a bit more than before </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I feel like I cramped longer </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but it was probably because I stayed </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
home from work all day and had nothing </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to do except symptom spot! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Scott's sample was great and I think </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that had a lot to do with a few key factors...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He has now been a non smoker for 8 weeks!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
he cut back on his caffeine intake January 1 </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He has been taking CoQ10, Fertile Aid for Men, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a mens one a day and fiber since January.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had one lead follicle that was a 19.5 on Friday, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We triggered Saturday night so hopefully it gave it time </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to grow a bit more! I ovulated from my Left side this month. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My lining was nice and plush at a 12mm</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have been drinking POM juice and am starting my Pineapple</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sometime tonight or tomorrow. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am trying my hardest to use my power of positive thinking, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
visioning it working and what is happening inside my body right now. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I keep telling myself I am making a baby. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything is where it should be and I am now making a baby.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wednesday I start prednisone for my elevated NK cells</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I will take the "Booster" shot to help </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
increase my progesterone and keep everything nice and cozy.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This means absolutely no POAS!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will have bloodwork Monday the 16th to check</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
progesterone and then Monday the 23rd will be</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
BETA! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Man I hope this works! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Fingers Crossed!!! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dont forget you can follow me on IG </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to see real time updates on our cycle! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/TTC.BABYWARRICK">TTC.BABYWARRICK</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-9691914652445454582015-03-02T11:37:00.000-08:002015-03-02T11:37:08.317-08:00CD Eleven... IUI Four<div style="text-align: center;">
This morning went well, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had my follicle scan today on CD 11</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the left side is taking charge </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with 3 lead follicles </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
16mm, 12mm and 11mm </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I go back on Wednesday to check their growth. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My lab tests came back as well. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything looked great, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my ovarian reserve is good, thank god. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and my "pcos'ieness" came back </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
slightly elevated. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dr. G thinks these insulin levels maybe </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
what has been causing my miscarriages. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
when your insulin levels are high you have </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a 50% chance of miscarriage. . . . </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
why the F*&^@ didn't anyone </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ever push this information in my face before?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have been on Metformin yes. </div>
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and anyone who has been on metformin </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
knows how lovely it is. So I must admit</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
when we weren't cycling I was pretty lax on taking it. </div>
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If I would have known that all along it could </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
have been affecting my ability to carry a baby </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I would have been taking that shit like it was my job. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ugh..-_- Now I know.....</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So were hoping that this increased dose </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of metformin along with the other supplements </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we can control my levels and have a healthy pregnancy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We will determine the date for IUI #4 on Wednesday. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am hoping they all three step up their game </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and are ready for trigger Wednesday night!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In other news..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am down 11lbs and 2 points off my BMI </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
after 30 full days of Carb Free / Gluten Free </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm pretty pumped about these numbers! :) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Carb free isn't fun. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The first 3 days of headaches were killer </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but it eventually got better. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now my only real challenges are..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dinning out.. </div>
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Eating dinner at someones house..</div>
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and</div>
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getting to the starvation point..</div>
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<br /></div>
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Dining out I've learned is all mental..</div>
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for example..</div>
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I went to Fridays on Friday lol..</div>
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for a work meeting and chose to get </div>
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the sizzling chicken and shrimp which </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
just so happens to come with a side of mashed <strike>carbs</strike> potatoes</div>
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so while looking at the menu I was like ok no big deal </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I can just sub it out for broccoli..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but as we waited for the server my mind crept to dark places..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"what if I "forget" to say no mashed potatoes" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"I mean their already on my plate I should just eat them" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"How many carbs can there really be in mashed potatoes" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"No no no, no mashed potatoes just say broccoli"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So the server returns to the table and I raise my hand </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to order first because I know if I don't get the word broccoli</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
out of my mouth now I'm going to end up with a </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
belly full of potatoes and a guilty mind. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So broccoli it was.. and when It came to the table I </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
was so happy I made the right choice!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Eating at peoples houses is more of a challenge</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to me than dinning at a restaurant!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I mean you don't want to be rude. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But you also don't want to go into full detail </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
about why you can't eat their display of carbs.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I try to go straight for the veggie tray. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Eating before starvation has been tricky</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
when you aren't eating carbs you are eating </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A LOT more food. vegetables are great </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but as for filling, you get an hour or two out of them</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
protein is where its at, it fills you up and keeps you full</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but when it starts to wear off, you're hungry almost instantly</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and when that happens those bad thoughts start to creep back in..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"maybe I'll just grab a wrap.." </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Chicken nuggets are quick they can't be that bad" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"chipotle" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I've learned I must have crave curber's with me at all times.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Bag of mixed nuts, a string cheese, some yogurt </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
something to keep my brain entertained until I can get home to cook. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Speaking of Cook...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That's the other challenge of this new lifestyle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
almost everything must be cooked or prepared. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I love cooking I hate cleaning.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
there for I dread making a mess. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and 9 times out of 10 I clean before I cook </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and then after I cook. Which is too much cleaning for me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But I am almost always satisfied with every meal. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I finish eating what ever it is I have just slaved over </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and think, That was so worth it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
One thing I've lacked is working out. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have to take things in small doses. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And changing your life to carb free gluten free </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is a huge F*^#$ing deal.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So the gym misses me...but I'll get there. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I swear.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If your the praying type we would </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
appreciate some prayer for our 4th IUI </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
coming up at the end of the week! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If not well wishes will do just as good! :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thanks So Much!! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-39348869691521977982015-02-25T08:49:00.000-08:002015-02-25T08:52:42.290-08:00New Dr. Whoop Whoop<div style="text-align: center;">
Hey! It's been a hot minute..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We have a new RE!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Well he's kinda new :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He actually left the<strike> hell hole</strike> old office </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to start his own practice! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had no clue until my OB suggested him!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We were blown away with our first apt, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
everyone was so nice and polite </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the waiting area was decorated beautifully </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with a complementary coffee/snack bar..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm pretty sure that was Scott's favorite part ;)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We went over a lot of history and discussed </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a few options..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
First up on the list was new labs, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
second was a baseline to see what my pcos looked like</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
third.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Clomid and IUI we meet again. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know what your thinking..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
because I thought the same thing too.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but there were so many factors that we didn't </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
take into consideration with our previous IUI's </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Also Dr. G is in the process of moving buildings </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so IVF is off the table until May when his </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
entire facility is set up! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Which I may add will be a one stop shop!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
he is going to have his own embryo lab there for gods sake!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Soooooo...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For now.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We are proceeding with 150mg of clomid</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
two doses of Orvidel one to trigger ovulation </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and the other to boost progesterone...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hello why didn't anyone think of that 4+ years ago?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Pff. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ending with IUI..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I happen to get lucky because my apt fell during the week </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
AF was due. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
AF showed Friday and I went in Monday for my </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Baseline, He said my pcos looks very "under control"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Thank you carb free eating and metformin</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So no waiting for us! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am on day 2 of clomid and go in Monday for </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a follicle check!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We haven't cycled in so long it feels good </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to feel like we are actually doing something more.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Crossing our fingers that this round works </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
however..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If we get to May with no pregnancy we will be </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
doing IVF!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Were scared. excited. nervous. hopeful. and joyful </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Follow us on IG at TTC.BabyWarrick</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to see what were doing daily :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-76278437923759147542015-01-27T11:28:00.000-08:002015-01-27T11:28:42.860-08:00Silly Me...<div style="text-align: center;">
I read my last post and laughed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The hope I always hold month after month..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ohhhh Ahhh EWCM this will be the month!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
NOT. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So stupid. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm in a weird place right now. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm in limbo, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was set and ready to start IVF in March</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have talked with the Nurses and the plan is a go. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But now I'm second guessing my choices. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I hate this office. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Still..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I just took a minute to read back </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
through my blog and turns out I've hated them </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
since 2012...Its 2015...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
what the hell is wrong with me?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why have I stuck around so long?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know why. It's because I'm fearful </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of starting over with a new RE.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I HATE going to new doctors..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I HATE going over every shitty situation that has </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
occurred in the last 5 year...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I just don't want to do it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But on the other hand. I want a baby. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to make my husband a father </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and my parents and in laws grandparents...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I tell myself it comes down to how </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bad do you want it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I posted a long post on my TTC_Babywarrick IG account</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you are welcome to read... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But to sum it up. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am going to see my OB on moday..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I trust him, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am comfortable with him. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and after my last miscarriage he promised to </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
help me in any way he could. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I value his opinion..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and in my opinion he helped me get pregnant </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this last time..after 6 short months of seeing him...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dr. B on the other hand...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
3 years...a million ultrasounds,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
3 IUI's injections and so on </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and nothing...not one single BFP..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That has to speak volumes..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and now im ready to listen.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will update after my appointment Monday </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
if there is anyone out there that still reads this..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and you're the praying type send one up for us.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-39422132596217024702015-01-07T10:37:00.000-08:002015-01-07T10:37:47.559-08:002ww...again<div style="text-align: center;">
Repeat Randy...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hey guess what?! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm in the 2ww again! for the 2359072 time! -_-</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So December's round of clomid didn't pan out..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I think part of it is my fault since I screwed up the days..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but no ovulation occurred and my period showed up </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on time, the only positive in this case. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So last week I started getting awful pains </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in my right side, a clear sign of O'ing for me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
then the EWCM showed two days </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
later I got a super dark OPK </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that showed in like 30 seconds. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
seriously fasted shit I've ever seen.. </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
*Because I am no rookie </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started the BD process the moment </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I felt the cramping :) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm thinking we should have all our bases covered. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Maybe we will just throw in one more night for fun haha!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Also I started a new IG account</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
click the pic for the link.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my user name is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ttc_babywarrick</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Original right? </div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/ttc_babywarrick"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDTwDFw1mF0b6N773D-AooGHlaE-nfE7yupCgM8eZkyXiv7pczcd8IsuVARd9woF6bQB1nI37O6WmfCDdNigtDisLKFAGGANXKfyyDQlc0N4-rFJnqWnD1CjIGScV2ZEkYh3G5YpqcMDM/s1600/IMG_6663.PNG" height="320" width="180" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/ttc_babywarrick">Yes there are pictures of my cats..</a><br />
<a href="http://www.instagram.com/ttc_babywarrick">Don't judge me their the only</a><br />
<a href="http://www.instagram.com/ttc_babywarrick">thing I can mother right now</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So I have a question about this pineapple saga </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that seems to be taking the TTC world by the balls.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Okay, I've been on this roller coaster far too long, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I've googled the shit out of some shit...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But does the pineapple thing really work?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Like is this something I should have been </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
trying for the past 4+ years?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I would really hate to one day </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
tell my story with an ending that goes something like</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"So I ate a pineapple core and 9 months later out popped little Johnny"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>(*Not that I would ever name my baby Johnny)</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Seriously though..when do you really eat it?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
some say after ovulation..as in after your positive opk or</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
like 2 days later after the egg drops? </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm so confused and now I'm craving pineapple.. Damit</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Feed me your thoughts...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-44489720159958000152014-12-29T13:39:00.000-08:002014-12-29T13:39:04.833-08:00Last week in Pictures :)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZCWEhXPMPk3AXRkeVyszAqlhSZguTj5aYt1WMgbRMBCXdx7OSaJZTLZh250ez9Uj_8mrv-QGT0l3ypIVO1dg8t3v4NxclnQ9XhzcQ-lrz5TcVrlL1Q9YehiXRa16rvvgv4qS_czjQG3U/s1600/IMG_5996.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZCWEhXPMPk3AXRkeVyszAqlhSZguTj5aYt1WMgbRMBCXdx7OSaJZTLZh250ez9Uj_8mrv-QGT0l3ypIVO1dg8t3v4NxclnQ9XhzcQ-lrz5TcVrlL1Q9YehiXRa16rvvgv4qS_czjQG3U/s1600/IMG_5996.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">His smile. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aBwPEUS-OBaKL9GRHJ8B7wEJvJmJkz1KYs0TsbMA3YLeSN_q4-EAVnF2zT3WBIGd2BvvuZOS95hg9Ty65savOAG8gZBzS2PaZwdslblfbr0bg3WgOyqiBu4jHhgUm8cke6HH8Jvoj3c/s1600/IMG_6104.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aBwPEUS-OBaKL9GRHJ8B7wEJvJmJkz1KYs0TsbMA3YLeSN_q4-EAVnF2zT3WBIGd2BvvuZOS95hg9Ty65savOAG8gZBzS2PaZwdslblfbr0bg3WgOyqiBu4jHhgUm8cke6HH8Jvoj3c/s1600/IMG_6104.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Nieces with Santa :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF1hrg2CrN0HkHJ3WBESu3QVyC5OL14w00hblfKvr4WkL14UIE-_zRiiE45JAZlZ5AkJWCElFOhx-5XmXXGFetuTeO_PpaucYO9SK6hpD2W6HVHfYlqMQOqPwVWLYUzZxL6PknKRwWgdM/s1600/IMG_6105.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF1hrg2CrN0HkHJ3WBESu3QVyC5OL14w00hblfKvr4WkL14UIE-_zRiiE45JAZlZ5AkJWCElFOhx-5XmXXGFetuTeO_PpaucYO9SK6hpD2W6HVHfYlqMQOqPwVWLYUzZxL6PknKRwWgdM/s1600/IMG_6105.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Teaching the girls how to "selfie"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuoCsvBQoJnuzEMXTFbuEJP2suUHsLHOdIQz2e60NVvzO0-xND4MulA8yHNl9p_u6MfmE0b5bB579o4k5kjpUVkTiuP5aVhaYeW-ZCwrtF_jAfw2D35JoFxZI4HkpP1f-mJo1LnO4xdAI/s1600/IMG_6118.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuoCsvBQoJnuzEMXTFbuEJP2suUHsLHOdIQz2e60NVvzO0-xND4MulA8yHNl9p_u6MfmE0b5bB579o4k5kjpUVkTiuP5aVhaYeW-ZCwrtF_jAfw2D35JoFxZI4HkpP1f-mJo1LnO4xdAI/s1600/IMG_6118.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These girls! Melt my heart!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBJhP0L-Hv2iDOcSjw0iYlA5UT-AhhlBJO1JhIULo3jW6LC0TgHKcCou6WmabegAayXOdSzdbylo0xm1WhOitLxLPmmigBmiykg1yI2c9YYsVp2FFjwA4yUFYUDjiJbZix_FvR9Tx0y4Y/s1600/IMG_6117.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBJhP0L-Hv2iDOcSjw0iYlA5UT-AhhlBJO1JhIULo3jW6LC0TgHKcCou6WmabegAayXOdSzdbylo0xm1WhOitLxLPmmigBmiykg1yI2c9YYsVp2FFjwA4yUFYUDjiJbZix_FvR9Tx0y4Y/s1600/IMG_6117.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Selfie :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1p2N0X5XTEx5A-C-2WLwt1tUxv5NwkNMkgM3IhFFNc1eV0cUWzFIIXmkScXV7Ipgo7zVtzpXO5gypmY3eAkvfsWF0sQLrBtynYv8g7N9fTWi2JRH9a-XAr6F_BwnPL16tQBFqpbJSuhg/s1600/IMG_6128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1p2N0X5XTEx5A-C-2WLwt1tUxv5NwkNMkgM3IhFFNc1eV0cUWzFIIXmkScXV7Ipgo7zVtzpXO5gypmY3eAkvfsWF0sQLrBtynYv8g7N9fTWi2JRH9a-XAr6F_BwnPL16tQBFqpbJSuhg/s1600/IMG_6128.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Santa and Harper</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCas8S9PEtAafrUv73dCWqPWpYJmm1gp3WRmAX_oE7CepGK-qkA0p1P-sfvWRFZWH_rovP4cHCYQmE86FNyBUn5lya4iYrX_tLwbT9rVvTavu00kBjNrM6849OHS5nhCAP2I6A67H32ds/s1600/IMG_6155.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCas8S9PEtAafrUv73dCWqPWpYJmm1gp3WRmAX_oE7CepGK-qkA0p1P-sfvWRFZWH_rovP4cHCYQmE86FNyBUn5lya4iYrX_tLwbT9rVvTavu00kBjNrM6849OHS5nhCAP2I6A67H32ds/s1600/IMG_6155.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stud. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZMhw7hge21JOMBKNWG0gfpVyoJSCzVDO6K6uwSkWGT-noUR4ranIxsxK8xYTRjjz0dA4A8cD5yr-zOwUGvJ2Ml3wfxoFu0VWE9riuWCnWf4n2_xhlpP5jL4UylAtHAfrfWqqufXzYAH8/s1600/IMG_6136.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZMhw7hge21JOMBKNWG0gfpVyoJSCzVDO6K6uwSkWGT-noUR4ranIxsxK8xYTRjjz0dA4A8cD5yr-zOwUGvJ2Ml3wfxoFu0VWE9riuWCnWf4n2_xhlpP5jL4UylAtHAfrfWqqufXzYAH8/s1600/IMG_6136.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My soul mate. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjluTexMCfokJIP6_6rb4kr0s9pWT0c8VTre4wETiDmjfALs9nSj6e5kRZHrztxM55fckAau0exxSb-9WExuG5HU-bO09BXeMGKrWRFvpiGcZfB9_xWeIQLxFeYBwxqNYtcvxQrc8SARhk/s1600/IMG_6163.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjluTexMCfokJIP6_6rb4kr0s9pWT0c8VTre4wETiDmjfALs9nSj6e5kRZHrztxM55fckAau0exxSb-9WExuG5HU-bO09BXeMGKrWRFvpiGcZfB9_xWeIQLxFeYBwxqNYtcvxQrc8SARhk/s1600/IMG_6163.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I choose you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_FAT257xMUHPlTS73y5aYnA9Yq3CoZ9nWH2NjyinGGsNYPDuVlSPImPVDXiVsrdIGawonkbaw348OXaWEJ8UYkAKguQ_7BHfyc9yzFeAMWo1ekA40tWf3206l2T6Z27Aiy4PRPKXnUiA/s1600/IMG_6278.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_FAT257xMUHPlTS73y5aYnA9Yq3CoZ9nWH2NjyinGGsNYPDuVlSPImPVDXiVsrdIGawonkbaw348OXaWEJ8UYkAKguQ_7BHfyc9yzFeAMWo1ekA40tWf3206l2T6Z27Aiy4PRPKXnUiA/s1600/IMG_6278.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Twinning with Momma :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFy9q_uEksjfK4nRMtj8bDl7amv1LMLBSmj4HcHQLB_EdO8IWhvSc_TZiAbb7QOvw0MvJDZBdcns-zyZJUqFVXL8NWD8En9bb9HnyZ-GlYM2biaTIwE5bqWuk2dVvk8DVlkIS842Q5Ft8/s1600/IMG_6290.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFy9q_uEksjfK4nRMtj8bDl7amv1LMLBSmj4HcHQLB_EdO8IWhvSc_TZiAbb7QOvw0MvJDZBdcns-zyZJUqFVXL8NWD8En9bb9HnyZ-GlYM2biaTIwE5bqWuk2dVvk8DVlkIS842Q5Ft8/s1600/IMG_6290.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Where's Santa?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGnA5GG8OiWzasNfxssPItBun4CFY3c7leOjjH5EiA1YFWovCjw7kVNlXiVIiWISVS-e9wbHZMgfIuzqgrcreL9-s4QBgtOvGUVmGITSsMR-yrEvjs6Kt8QCmckVrlY4UGIWEJYChQejE/s1600/IMG_6414.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGnA5GG8OiWzasNfxssPItBun4CFY3c7leOjjH5EiA1YFWovCjw7kVNlXiVIiWISVS-e9wbHZMgfIuzqgrcreL9-s4QBgtOvGUVmGITSsMR-yrEvjs6Kt8QCmckVrlY4UGIWEJYChQejE/s1600/IMG_6414.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas Morning using my new selfie stick!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJt5fhJzmopfXFy2lCPxO83wviet5f34ocrokIwMZiOA8v8m5mYr6QGYqQgzNKfcRwmX1EkC2_t-qyR7oC1l6t3b8-xddK2583uBHfk8-gyZ1nyCXVEOIAx7f00tJFYjjRUR96v_6H_1g/s1600/IMG_6415.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJt5fhJzmopfXFy2lCPxO83wviet5f34ocrokIwMZiOA8v8m5mYr6QGYqQgzNKfcRwmX1EkC2_t-qyR7oC1l6t3b8-xddK2583uBHfk8-gyZ1nyCXVEOIAx7f00tJFYjjRUR96v_6H_1g/s1600/IMG_6415.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas morning still a family of 2..Maybe next year. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852427734722367473.post-88476951893100219522014-12-29T13:23:00.000-08:002014-12-29T13:29:32.499-08:00Where is the Magic?<div style="text-align: center;">
My Aunt said something to me a week ago that </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will never forget</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
she said </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Nothing seems Magical when you grow up" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's kind of true. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The magic of Christmas as a kid was </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
well, magic! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was the most wonderful time </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of the year for many reasons. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It still is. But the magic is gone. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I believe that when we have children </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we will see the magic of the holidays through</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
there eyes, but for now it's just another holiday. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>(Although I will say my parents do an </i><br />
<i>awesome job at playing Santa and spoiling </i><br />
<i>the shit out of Scott and I :) )</i><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Our last cycle failed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm not surprised. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I messed up my clomid and I don't </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
think I even ovulated. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My opk was positive but I had </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
no other symptoms. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I feel a little lost in the journey right now. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There are many options. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know that. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But not one that I can put all of my </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
faith, hope and trust into. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
IVF was on the table </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and then we got pregnant. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and then we lost the baby and I was reminded </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
how quickly things can change.<br />
I can't help but shake the feeling that </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
IVF will work, but I won't be able to keep </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the pregnancy.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and why waste all that time, effort, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
emotion and money into something that isn't </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
100% guaranteed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then there's surrogacy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
again not 100% that any of it will work. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
More time, way more emotion, and a lot more money. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with no guarantee of a healthy breathing baby</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
at the end of it all. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then we have adoption. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We have actually been talking a lot more about </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
adoption lately. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but it still makes me uneasy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There are so many what if's </div>
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so many unknowns.</div>
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A lot of questioning myself.</div>
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In the end all the wishing </div>
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and hoping and praying to just </div>
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have a natural cycle and a normal pregnancy </div>
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isn't going to just magically appear. </div>
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I know I have to do something. </div>
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I just don't know when, or what or how. </div>
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I think when I know I will know. </div>
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So for now this is where we are, </div>
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still discussing our options. </div>
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Still battling our fears. </div>
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Still praying. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Our Journey Through This Lovely Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891768801109103705noreply@blogger.com4